the awesome/terrifying freedom

2010-07-03T04:47:00.000-04:00

first real sign of getting my mojo back:
finding the joy in writing
these again

a visual representation of my movie watching

2009-06-08T00:15:00.004-04:00

since announcing my film literacy project in late september, i've been steadily watching the history of film, in a roughly sequential order. my original list of 500-some movies gradually grew to a current list of 751. the original master list compiles the following lists:

roger ebert's 'the great movies' (films added as he adds them to the list)
richard maltin's top 100
afi top 100
imdb top 250 (i wanted popular films, not just critical successes)
best picture oscar winners

the interesting thing that started to happen was that after watching a lot of silent films, i began to understand the language of silents and wanted to seek more out - so i'd go searching for another list that would add a few more silents, but would also pepper in other films throughout the list.

then after reaching the films of the 1940's, i started to realize that by now, adding in another list isn't really going expand it by much (there is a lot of overlap), so i added a few more in.

i wanted to see foreign film history unfold, so i added:

all winners of the best foreign film oscar
movieline's top 100 foreign films

i chanced on this list online, saw it had some new films in it, and added it to the list as well:

totalfilm's most influential films

after adding these, i felt it was time to stop adding. if the list gets too big, i'll never get through the whole thing. i need to complete the list as is first, and then add into it afterwards. but then i realized a key list was missing:

the 100 all time box office adjusted for ticket price inflation

this list added a fascinating new element: audience hits, but critical failures. no picture of the history of film can be complete without exploring that.

and so, 752 films. all data is kept on an excel spreadsheet, which was once online, but i'm working on updating the data (google docs incorrectly imports colored cells, which screws up my system for tracking what i've watched, so keeping the list up to date online has been a pain). in excel it's easy to scale your page to fit the screen. because i color-code the films i've seen, zooming way out shows you just how much of the 'bible' i've 'read.' here's the visualization in a strip:

the top of the strip is 1895 and the bottom is 2008. the blue area represents films that i've seen and the white is films i've yet to see. i've seen nearly all of the 162 film on the list before 1950 (which is that big block of blue at the top). the giant gap in my viewing is the period from 1950 to 1980. there are nearly 100 films in each decade, and i can't wait to see how history, american culture, and film technology evolve during that period. i can't wait until i can look at one giant, big blue block of seen films.

i feel like i'm done adding for now. i'm still not totally opposed to adding new lists, but a compelling argument must be made for how its inclusion would inform my reading of the other lists. but once i finish this project in its present form, i will probably seek to double the size of the list, adding in any esoteric collection i can possibly find.

inspiration

2009-04-09T14:30:00.004-04:00

i was asked by a friend to create an inspirational graphic using the word 'decide.' he'd been through a tough period and needed a zen-like reminder that just making a decision, while tough, feels a lot better than torturing yourself indefinitely.

so i put my photoshop skills to work and made this greeting card-ready image:

though my darker side gravitates to something more like this:

the couch

2009-04-07T19:51:00.002-04:00

a couple weeks ago, someone put a couch out by the street in front of my apartment building. it's very comfy, and it faces the sun for a good part of the day, and it's within reach of my wireless signal. so until it inevitably gets picked up, i'll occasionally go outside with my laptop and work from the couch. it's a great way to get some sun while working from home.

just now this neighbor lady had a fit at me. while pulling out of her driveway, she yelled at me from her car:

you can just have that couch if you want it! it's not my couch. our neighbor put it out there and i don't know why. it's not my business. i'm not going to get involved in someone else's business. i'm just saying that you can have that couch if you want it. because it is going to get ruined when it rains this weekend, which it's supposed to do and i don't want to see it ruined. i don't understand it. why would they do something like that. that couch needs to go. it's just driving me crazy and it's gonna get ruined if you don't take it or do something with it. it's not my business. i'm not going to get involved in someone else's business.

and with that she drove off. it's always impressive to me how people allow something that's not even remotely connected to them to utterly ruin their day. i also love when people exclaim that they're not going to get involved in someone else's business, like those who say 'i don't mean to be a bitch, but..' it's obvious that her true objection is that to her eye, it makes the neighborhood look cheap.

maybe i should claim the couch and leave it out here.

the curious trajanization of benjamin button

2008-09-27T22:34:00.003-04:00

in early previews and on the website, i was so impressed with the beautiful, 1920's font chosen for the film's title:

anxious to see the theatrical trailer, i gasped in horror as this god damned straight-to-video trajan version has replaced the exquisite, original treatment. wtf!?!?!?

for more on how much i hate trajan, look here and here and here and here and here.

an attempt at film literacy update

2008-09-27T00:42:00.017-04:00

i've compiled 4 'best of all time' lists, and reorganized them into chronological order. i'm going through and watching any movie i haven't seen (or any that i haven't seen since before college. it's amazing what you don't pick up in a movie before you've had sex or dealt with heatbreak and real jealousy).

the three lists i've used are eberts 'the great movies' list, leonard maltin's top 100, and afi's top 100. i was hoping to find more foreign film representation, but any other list i added just blew the project too far out of proportion. i'm starting with this and then will branch outwards from here. i'm not a big fan of maltin as a critic, but his all his post 1978 picks were all repeated in the other 2 lists, and since my main focus was to really get up to speed on older films, i dropped his choices in. he adds a lot of early comedies to the list, and some questionable choices. mary poppins? on your all time list? ..ok..

on top of all that, i popped in IMDBs's top 250 list, which is mostly current films that i've seen, but also adds in more popular favorites, hitchcocks and kubricks, more sci-fi and fantasy, and surprisingly, more foreign films.

i've watched 8 silent films since starting with 'birth of a nation,' and am now hitting the films of buster keaton. silent film is almost a completely separate art form from the current cinema, and i'm finding it rather intoxicating. if you're interested, my compiled list is below. i started with ebert's list, so his picks are in black. added to that are maltin's in blue, and afi in red. so it doesn't tell you what was on each list, only how each list compares to ebert's. with each of ebert's picks, there is an accompanying essay on his website, which puts the film in its historical context.

*for the sake of completion, i also dropped in all the best picture winners that were not already on the list. because no other list recognized them, they can pretty much be counted as the weakest offerings of the academy, but any historian should see all the winners. these appear in the list in purple.

if you'd like a copy of this list in excel format, shoot me an email.

ebert: black
+ maltin
+ afi
+ imdb top 250
+ oscar winners
i still haven't seen it: bold italic

Cabiria (1914)
The Birth of a Nation (1915)
Intolerance (1916)
Broken Blossoms (1919)
Cabinet des Dr. Caligari., Das (1920)
The Kid (1921)
Nanook of the North (1922)
Nosferatu (1922)
Our Hospitality (1923)
Safety Last (1923)
Sherlock, Jr. (1924)
The Last Laugh (1924)
Greed (1925)
The Battleship Potemkin (1925)
The Big Parade (1925)
The Freshman (1925)
The Gold Rush (1925)
The Phantom of the Opera (1925)
Faust (1926)
Metropolis (1926)
The General (1927)
Wings (1927)
Pandora's Box (1928)
Sunrise (1928)
The Crowd (1928)
The Fall of the House of Usher (1928)
The Last Command (1928)
The Man Who Laughs (1928)
The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928)
Un Chien Andalou (1928)
The Man with a Camera (1929)
Broadway Melody, The (1929)
All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)
City Lights (1931)
Cimarron (1931)
Dracula (1931)
Frankenstein (1931)
M (1931)
Grand Hotel (1932)
Trouble in Paradise (1932)
Baby Face (1933)
Cavalcade (1933)
Duck Soup (1933)
King Kong (1933)
Sons of the Desert (1933)
It Happened One Night (1934)
It's a Gift (1934)
L'Atalante (1934)
The Scarlet Empress (1934)
The Thin Man (1934)
A Night at the Opera (1935)
Mutiny on the Bounty (1935)
Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
The 39 Steps (1935)
Top Hat (1935)
Triumph of the Will (1935)
Camille (1936)
Dodsworth (1936)
Great Ziegfeld, The (1936)
Modern Times (1936)
Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (1936)
My Man Godfrey (1936)
Swing Time (1936)
The Crime of Monsieur Lange (1936)
Grand Illusion (1937)
Life of Emile Zola, The (1937)
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)
The Awful Truth (1937)
Olympia, Parts 1 and 2 (1938)
You Can't Take It with You (1938)
The Lady Vanishes (1938)
Gone With the Wind (1939)
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
Ninotchka (1939)
Stagecoach (1939)
The Adventures of Robin Hood (1939)
The Rules of the Game (1939)
The Wizard of Oz (1939)
Fantasia (1940)
His Girl Friday (1940)
Pinocchio (1940)
Rebecca (1940)
The Bank Dick (1940)
The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
The Great Dictator (1940)
The Philadelphia Story (1940)
The Shop Around the Corner (1940)
Citizen Kane (1941)
How Green Was My Valley (1941)
Sullivan's Travels (1941)
The Lady Eve (1941)
The Maltese Falcon (1941)
Casablanca (1942)
Cat People (1942)
Mrs. Miniver (1942)
Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)
The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp (1943)
Shadow of a Doubt (1943)
The Ox-Bow Incident (1943)
Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)
Double Indemnity (1944)
Going My Way (1944)
Laura (1944)
Meet Me in St. Louis (1944)
The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944)
Brief Encounter (1945)
Children of Paradise (1945)
Detour (1945)
The Lost Weekend (1945)
Beauty and the Beast (1946)
Great Expectations (1946)
It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
My Darling Clementine (1946)
Notorious (1946)
The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
The Big Sleep (1946)
Gentleman's Agreement (1947)
Out of the Past (1947)
Hamlet (1948)
Red River (1948)
Rope (1948)
The Red Shoes (1948)
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
Gun Crazy (1949)
Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949)
Orpheus (1949)
The Bicycle Thief (1949)
The Third Man (1949)
All the King's Men (1949)
White Heat (1949)
All About Eve (1950)
Harvey (1950)
In a Lonely Place (1950)
Rashomon (1950)
Sunset Boulevard (1950)
American in Paris, An (1951)
A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
Ace in the Hole (1951)
Strangers on a Train (1951)
The African Queen (1951)
The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)
The River (Le Fleuve) (1951)
Forbidden Games (1952)
Greatest Show on Earth, The (1952)
High Noon (1952)
Ikiru (1952)
Singin' in the Rain (1952)
Umberto D (1952)
Chuck Jones: Three Cartoons (1953-1957)
From Here to Eternity (1953)
Mr. Hulot's Holiday (1953)
Roman Holiday (1953)
Salaire de la peur, Le (Wages of Fear) (1953)
Shane (1953)
Stalag 17 (1953)
The Band Wagon (1953)
The Big Heat (1953)
The Earrings of Madame de... (1953)
Tokyo Story (1953)
Ugetsu (1953)
Beat the Devil (1954)
Dial M for Murder (1954)
Johnny Guitar (1954)
On the Waterfront (1954)
Rear Window (1954)
Rififi (1954)
Sansho the Bailiff (1954)
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954)
Strada, La (1954)
The Seven Samurai (1954)
Touchez Pas au Grisbi (1954)
Bob le Flambeur (1955)
Diaboliques, Les (1955)
Marty (1955)
Ordet (1955)
Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
Smiles of a Summer Night (1955)
The Apu Trilogy (1955, 1956, 1959)
The Night of the Hunter (1955)
Around the World in Eighty Days (1956)
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)
The Searchers (1956)
Written on the Wind (1956)
12 Angry Men (1957)
Nights of Cabiria (1957)
Paths of Glory (1957)
Pyaasa (1957)
Smultronstället (Wlid Strawberries) (1957)
The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
The Seventh Seal (1957)
The Sweet Smell of Success (1957)
Witness for the Prosecution (1957)
Gigi (1958)
Mon Oncle (1958)
The Music Room (1958)
Touch of Evil (1958)
Vertigo (1958)
Floating Weeds (1959)
Anatomy of a Murder (1959)
Ben-Hur (1959)
North by Northwest (1959)
Pickpocket (1959)
Some Like It Hot (1959)
The 400 Blows (1959)
The Apu Trilogy (1959)
Breathless (1960)
Inherit the Wind (1960)
La Dolce Vita (1960)
L'Avventura (1960)
Peeping Tom (1960)
Psycho (1960)
Rocco and His Brothers (1960)
Spartacus (1960)
The Apartment (1960)
Judgment at Nuremberg (1961)
Jules and Jim (1961)
Last Year at Marienbad (1961)
The Hustler (1961)
Through a Glass Darkly (1961)
Victim (1961)
West Side Story (1961)
Yojimbo (1961)
Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
The Exterminating Angel (1962)
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962)
The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)
Winter Light (1962)
8 1/2 (1963)
Charade (1963)
My Life to Live / Vivre sa Vie (1963)
The Great Escape (1963)
The Leopard (1963)
Tom Jones (1963)
A Hard Day's Night (1964)
Bande à part (1964)
Dr. Strangelove (1964)
Goldfinger (1964)
Gospel According to St. Matthew (1964)
Mary Poppins (1964)
My Fair Lady (1964)
Woman in the Dunes (1964)
Chimes at Midnight (1965)
Juliet of the Spirits (1965)
Per qualche dollaro in più (A Few Dollars More) (1965)
Sound of Music, The (1965)
Au Hasard Balthazar (1966)
Battaglia di Algeri, La (The Battle of Algiers) (1966)
Blow-Up (1966)
Closely Watched Trains (1966)
Man for All Seasons, A (1966)
Persona (1966)
Belle de Jour (1967)
Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
Cool Hand Luke (1967)
In Cold Blood (1967)
In the Heat of the Night (1967)
Le Samourai (1967)
Mouchette (1967)
Playtime (1967)
Samurai Rebellion (1967)
The Battle of Algiers (1967)
The Graduate (1967)
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Oliver! (1968)
Once upon a Time in the West (1968)
Planet of the Apes (1968)
Romeo and Juliet (1968)
Rosemary's Baby (1968)
The Firemen's Ball (1968)
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1968)
The Producers (1968)
Yellow Submarine (1968)
Army of Shadows (1969)
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
Easy Rider (1969)
Midnight Cowboy (1969)
The Wild Bunch (1969)
El Topo (1970)
Five Easy Pieces (1970)
Patton (1970)
Woodstock (1970)
A Touch of Zen (1971)
A Clockwork Orange (1971)
French Connection, The (1971)
McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1971)
The Last Picture Show (1971)
Walkabout (1971)
WR -- Mysteries of the Organism (1971)
Aguirre, the Wrath of God (1972)
Cries and Whispers (1972)
Last Tango in Paris (1972)
Late Spring (1972)
Sleuth (1972)
Solaris (1972)
The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie (1972)
The Godfather (1972)
The Godfather, Part II (1974)
Day for Night (1973)
Mean Streets (1973)
The Exorcist (1973)
The Long Goodbye (1973)
The Sting (1973)
A Woman Under the Influence (1974)
Ali: Fear Eats the Soul (1974)
Amarcord (1974)
Blazing Saddles (1974)
Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974)
Chinatown (1974)
Don't Look Now (1974)
The Conversation (1974)
The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser (1974)
Young Frankenstein (1974)
Barry Lyndon (1975)
Dog Day Afternoon (1975)
Jaws (1975)
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
Nashville (1975)
Night Moves (1975)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975)
Network (1976)
Rocky (1976)
Taxi Driver (1976)
3 Women (1977)
Annie Hall (1977)
Killer of Sheep (1977)
Saturday Night Fever (1977)
Star Wars (1977)
Stroszek (1977)
Days of Heaven (1978)
Gates of Heaven (1978)
The Deer Hunter (1978)
Alien (1979)
Apocalypse Now (1979)
Being There (1979)
Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)
Life of Brian (1979)
Manhattan (1979)
Stalker (1979)
The Marriage of Maria Braun (1979)
Atlantic City (1980)
Berlin Alexanderplatz (1980)
Mon Oncle d'Amérique (1980)
Raging Bull (1980)
Ordinary People (1980)
The Big Red One (1980)
The Elephant Man (1980)
The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
The Shining (1980)
Body Heat (1981)
Boot, Das (1981)
Chariots of Fire (1981)
Mephisto (1981)
My Dinner With Andre (1981)
Pixote (1981)
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
Blade Runner: The Final Cut (1982)
E.T. -- The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
Fitzcarraldo (1982)
Gandhi (1982)
The Thing (1982)
A Christmas Story (1983)
El Norte (1983)
Fanny and Alexander (1983)
Return of the Jedi (1983)
Scarface (1983)
Terms of Endearment (1983)
The Right Stuff (1983)
A Sunday in the Country (1984)
A Year of the Quiet Sun (1984)
Amadeus (1984)
Once Upon a Time in America (1984)
Paris, Texas (1984)
The Terminator (1984)
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)
Brazil (1985)
Back to the Future (1985)
Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters (1985)
Out of Africa (1985)
Ran (1985)
The Color Purple (1985)
The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985)
The Up Documentaries (1985)
The Fly (1986)
Aliens (1986)
Platoon (1986)
Stand by Me (1986)
The Singing Detective (1986)
Au Revoir, les Enfants (1987)
Full Metal Jacket (1987)
House of Games (1987)
Last Emperor, The (1987)
Moonstruck (1987)
Nayakan (1987)
Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987)
The Dead (1987)
The Princess Bride (1987)
Grave of the Fireflies (1988)
Die Hard (1988)
Nuovo cinema Paradiso (1988)
The Decalogue (1988)
Wings of Desire (1988)
Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989)
Do the Right Thing (1989)
Rain Man (1988)
Driving Miss Daisy (1989)
Glory (1989)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)
Santa Sangre (1989)
Say Anything (1989)
After Dark, My Sweet (1990)
Dances with Wolves (1990)
Miller's Crossing (1990)
Raise the Red Lantern (1990101)
GoodFellas (1991)
JFK (1991)
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
A Tale of Winter (1992)
A Woman's Tale (1992)
Howards End (1992)
Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Unforgiven (1992)
Farewell My Concubine (1993)
Groundhog Day (1993)
Leolo (1993)
My Neighbor Totoro (1993)
Schindler's List (1993)
The Age of Innocence (1993)
The Blue Kite (1993)
Three Colors Trilogy: Blue, White, Red (1993-1994)
Chungking Express (1994)
Crumb (1994)
Drunken Master II (1994)
Ed Wood (1994)
Forrest Gump (1994)
Hoop Dreams (1994)
Léon (1994)
Pulp Fiction (1994)
The Lion King (1994)
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
Leaving Las Vegas (1995)
Braveheart (1995)
Casino (1995)
English Patient, The (1996)
Haine, La (Hate) (1995)
Heat (1995)
Se7en (1995)
The Usual Suspects (1995)
Toy Story (1995)
Twelve Monkeys (1995)
Ulysses' Gaze (1995)
Fargo (1996)
Trainspotting (1996)
L.A. Confidential (1997)
Titanic (1997)
Mononoke-hime (Princess Mononoke)(1997)
Vita è bella, La (Life is Beautiful) (1997)
American History X (1998)
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)
Lola rennt (Run Lola Run) (1998)
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
Shakespeare in Love (1998)
The Big Lebowski (1998)
American Beauty (1999)
Fight Club (1999)
Magnolia (1999)
The Green Mile (1999)
The Matrix (1999)
The Sixth Sense (1999)
Amores perros (2000)
Gladiator (2000)
Memento (2000)
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
Snatch. (2000)
The Terrorist (2000)
Werckmeister Harmonies (2000)
Wo hu cang long (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) (2000)
Beautiful Mind, A (2001)
Kandahar (2001)
Donnie Darko (2001)
Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, Le (Amelie) (2001)
Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (Spirited Away) (2001)
The Lord of the Rings (2001–03)
Chicago (2002)
City of God (2002)
Mou gaan dou (Infernal Affairs) (2002)
Ripley's Game (2002)
Talk to Her (2002)
Finding Nemo (2003)
Big Fish (2003)
Finding Nemo (2003)
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
Le Boucher / The Butcher (2003)
Mystic River (2003)
Oldboy (2003)
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
The Pianist (2002)
Crash (2004/I)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
Hauru no ugoku shiro (Howl's Moving Castle) (2004)
Hotel Rwanda (2004)
Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)
Million Dollar Baby (2004)
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
The Incredibles (2004)
Untergang, Der (Downfall) (2004)
Dark City (2005)
Batman Begins (2005)
Sin City (2005)
V for Vendetta (2005)
Babel (2006)
Children of Men (2006)
Laberinto del fauno, El (Pan's Labyrinth) (2006)
Leben der Anderen, Das (The Lives of Others) (2006)
Letters from Iwo Jima (2006)
Little Miss Sunshine (2006)
Pan's Labyrinth (2006)
The Departed (2006)
The Prestige (2006)
Moolaade (2007)
Into the Wild (2007)
No Country for Old Men (2007)
Ratatouille (2007)
Scaphandre et le papillon, Le (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly) (2007)
The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)
There Will Be Blood (2007)
Diva (2008)
In Bruges (2008)
Iron Man (2008)
The Dark Knight (2008)
Vengeance Is Mine (2008)
WALL·E (2008)

i've got a long long way to go. and what's sobering is the knowledge that this is only the beginning of any real attempt to become literate in the world of film. but it's a good place to start, and watching them in order, i'm looking forward to seeing the history of film, the advancement of technology, and the shifting tastes of the audience play out before me.

recasting

2008-09-23T05:34:00.002-04:00

i'm really starting to get into 'true blood.' the characters are deepening, and unlike other HBO shows (carnivale, deadwood, john from cincinatti..) 'true blood' shares the strength of 'six feet under' in that it's able to tell its story with genuine humor. one of my favorite characters is tara, who could easily come off as a complete bitch in her first couple scenes. it's a huge actor trap, and here's the original actress, brooke kerr, playing tara's first scene:

it feels like a scene from a 'bring it on,' straight to dvd sequel. now watch rutina wesley do the same scene, with the same scene partners, even:

it reminds me of sitting through auditions, listening to the same sides over and over again, and then suddenly someone walks in who just nails the thing because they're being completely themselves while they do it. it's like night and day.

god it must suck to recast, though. lots of people have to admit they were wrong, great expense is taken to reshoot, and an actor counting on a steady paycheck is suddenly out of a job. john august showed us some realities of this in 'the nines.'

buddy

2008-04-28T14:46:00.004-04:00

took pics of my good friend buddy this weekend. he's been in town with the national tour of 'my fair lady.' full flickr set from the shoot here.

tackiest gift in the world: guest edition

2008-03-10T01:19:00.004-04:00

my friend jase in new york sent me this picture.

it's said that the art of sculpture is in uncovering the masterpiece that already exists within the marble.
if that's so, then the art of tchotchke is in taking something that has the potential to be cool and burying it in disturbingly misguided details.

this is a truly sublime atrocity. i don't think it's quite the right scale either, though i'm sure the 'artist' was really dead-set on depicting mike right at penis-level for this portrait. i wonder, does this little statuette fly off the shelves of hatch's gift store across the country? if someone had this sitting on their fireplace mantle, would you run?

you could say that this little piece is a tribute to michaelangelo's achievement. but, uh, isn't that what the statue -itself- is?

i think the only person who would buy this is, mickey, valerie cherish's makeup artist on 'the comeback.'

tackiest gift in the world: paris round 2

2008-01-28T20:38:00.000-05:00

honestly, where paris is concerned, nothing will ever, ever beat emily's commando in action paris for men. but that didn't stop me from trying. i combed that city up and down looking for that horrible je ne sais quois. friends were bringing me tacky shit left and right, but i turned it all away. no, the perfect tacky gift has to work on multiple levels. it has to say something both about the character of the city, and the character of the tourists they hope to sucker into buying their crap. like finding clothes that fit at filene's basement, it takes perseverance.

which brings us to my paris entry in the international competition. behold. relive the glory of aristocratic france.

previous tackiest gifts in the world:
las vegas stripper bottle opener
commando in action paris for men
the horny hillbilly
airbrushed overalls w/ baby white tiger tshirt

idea: punish mediocrity

2008-01-24T02:47:00.001-05:00

here's the problem with 'vote you off' reality shows, specifically, project runway.

the truly innovative contestants get voted off because they're willing to take risks, and those risks aren't always going to pan out. so you may be a genius, but part of what makes you that genius is that you allow yourself to be truly horrible sometimes. and so we usually come to a finale that is between the 2 or 3 contestants that were able to hide in the background the longest.

i'd love to see a show that votes out the middle, and keeps the top and bottom scores. imagine the risks it would encourage people to make, the audacity it would inspire!

the year in movies

2008-01-21T23:28:00.001-05:00

laura asked me if i had a top ten list for '07.. i've never really done it before because i've rarely felt like i've seen enough films. but i figured i should go through and look at all the 07' films i saw, and see how they stack up. so here's all the major released films and my star rating (out of 5) to go with it:

5 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 days
5 The Lives Of Others (technically '06, but wide released last year)
5 Ratatouille
5 No Country For Old Men
5 There Will Be Blood
4.5 Zodiac
4 The Host
4 Grindhouse
4 Hairspray
4 The Bourne Ultimatum
4 Atonement
3.5 300
3.5 Journey From The Fall
3.5 Knocked Up
3.5 3:10 To Yuma
3.5 Juno
3.5 Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street
3 Breach
3 Waitress
3 Ocean's Thirteen
3 The Method (El Método)
3 Stardust
3 Across The Universe
3 Beowulf
3 Enchanted
3 I Am Legend
3 The Kite Runner
2.5 Reno 911!: Miami
2.5 Blades Of Glory
2.5 Spider-man 3
2.5 Day Watch (Dnevnoi Dozor)
2.5 Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix
2.5 Lions For Lambs
2 The Good German
2 The Astronaut Farmer
2 Disturbia
2 Shrek The Third
2 Pirates Of The Caribbean: At Worlds End
2 Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer
2 Transformers

a great reason to stop using trajan

2008-01-18T17:40:00.000-05:00

here. and by association, here.

stating the dream

2007-12-31T01:19:00.000-05:00

happy new year!

some things from the last few months:

• in november, my grandfather on my father's side passed away. which has had me, my parents and family thinking a lot about life, death, etc.

• i directed a few more episodes of the tv show i work on. i'm getting better, but still have a lot to learn. celeste said to me after one particularly grueling shoot, "stop apologizing. you apologized to every single person on set today at least once, and some people you apologized to all throughout the day. you get paid less than anyone else working on the show, and you have the most responsibility. you don't have anything to apologize for."

• my first instinct while writing another blog entry was to apologize for not having written anything for so long.

• at brunch with neal recently, we were talking about goals, and what we want in life, and i found myself stammering "well, say that, what if, if i were to, what would be the possibility, i mean, what if i said.." i was having so much trouble speaking words that were so clear in my head. what i wanted to say was "is it possible for me to be directing a network show in 5 years?" and once i finally got the words out i realized why it had been so hard to say. because saying it out loud, in front of someone, makes you responsible for it. as soon as the words finally escaped my lips, a flood of all the things i would need to do to make it happen filled my brain. it means working on a reel, it means directing as much as i possibly can in the next five years. it means winning awards at festivals, not just getting into them. it means i have to stop talking and start doing. am i willing to take on that work? can i handle it? boy, it had really better be what i want, hadn't it? so there it is, the goal, or at least one of them. i want to direct a network show in 5 years. i want to be directing features in 10 years, but we can deal with that later.

• overall it was a damn good year. i landed a great job that had me writing, directing, organizing and managing shoots. it also saw my two short films play in seven festivals across the country. i have plans to shoot at least 3 more shorts next year, which will have sharper scripts, better production values, and even more potential to help shuffle my career along (that's the plan anyway).

• i went to a lot of weddings. seeing all my friends make the decision to have families has really begun to put the sting into my singlehood. but more than that - it's solidified my desire to get married myself. but yeah, probably need to, like, date someone first. this is the year.

• i will be starting a new blog, for lost-related recaps, analyses, theories, etc! i have plenty to write about already with these, this, and this already leading us into season 4. it's in its infancy now, but many links and goodies will be added as the show progresses.

• this new year also seems to call for a change in the look and focus of my blog, so look for that coming soon too.

• thanks to all the friends who helped me achieve everything that happened in the past year. it never ceases to amaze me how just a few great connections can open so many possibilities. can't wait to see what this next year will provide.

sonnets 5 & 6

2007-10-30T04:38:00.000-04:00

these two are a pair, so i redid #5 to match my reading of #6. plus, i'm prety unhapy with my original reading of 5. i'm much better at being honest in a manic way than in a still, quiet way. need to keep working on that.

"he wants to make sure you enjoy him."

2007-10-29T13:17:00.000-04:00

sam took me out to dinner for my birthday at the hump, where we were served an amazing 8 course japanese meal. the piece de resistance was the lobster. lobster sashimi was served in the shell of the tail, and next to that was charlie's entire upper half, still alive, legs and antennae still moving, watching us snack on his raw tail. sam was a little disturbed. i thought it was super cool.

wedding pics - the video

2007-10-28T14:25:00.000-04:00

and now, thirty two.

2007-10-22T20:44:00.000-04:00

i thought i'd take a look at years past.

28
29
30
31

wow, i've been blogging for a long time. thirty-one was a great, unpredictable, mind-blowing year. here's what i wrote at 28:

last friday i turned 28. twenty fuckin eight. and i sit behind a desk making less money than marissa who sits in the neighboring cubicle and who just turned 24. what the hell am i doing? am i just insane for trying to pursue something that will never, no matter how far or high i climb, be stable?

i guess i'm hitting that age where time suddenly seems to speed up, where the path of my life seems visible in the distance, where the choices seem to narrow, where it becomes more and more difficult to switch tracks. part of that is comforting - that i'm working with a theatre company, that i've achieved certain steps towards an acting career - but the sitting in a cubicle part doesn't sit well with me. how much longer can i do this? surely i possess more valuable skills? don't i? don't i?

i have to keep reminding myself never to allow things to progress to the point where i am this unhappy ever again.

those photos at 29 were taken in the hole in the wall office of the hole in the wall theatre i used to work at (in addition to my full time job) in nyc. dana and mike were nice enough to come by during my hours and bring a little cake. at that point, i was coasting, and on the downslope. that entire year would be frought with disappointment, idleness, and frustration. and then six feet under would end, i would turn 30, and a new path would finally become clear.

32 rivaled 30 in terms of birthday noteriety. 30 saw my first trip to la, and my first tattoo. 32 saw my first trip to paris, and my best friend's wedding. this past year has also been defined by film festivals, an amazing boyfriend who became a best friend, roommates who've become best (& better) friends, two creative jobs, and the return of possibility, potential and positivity (god, i sound like tony robbins now) to my life. had a lovely party saturday night, where i served an assortment of french cheeses i bought at the paris airport. neal also got me this awesome gift:

it was damn good. here's to keeping 32 on the upswing..

anne & max's wedding

2007-10-16T11:03:00.000-04:00

the weekend was too emotional to blog about with any sense of justice. so, here's my favorite photos.

all the americans stayed at 'the gite' in pont de pany, just outside of dijon

on friday night - a crepes party, where we met max and anne's extended family, and where all of max's american friends convened.

the next morning was the wedding. first, the civil ceremony, which was lighthearted and informal (even though it was presided over by a very official looking guy).

after the civil service, the wedding party filed into the street, congratulations all around, then walked into a sunlit courtyard for photos.

and then we walked down 'rue de la chouette,' to the church. along the way, we would touch the magical owl (la chouette), carved into the side of the church, and make a wish. (don't look at the owl while making your wish, however)

we approached the street, then turned to the left, and there was the church, which had been completely hidden from view. i had to stop and catch my breath.

the guests filed into the church. max and anne hung out outside, waiting to process in..

and it was time to enter..

max's sister christy sang a beautiful song from 'the baker's wife.'

sadly, the light was too low to take any good closeups. i wasn't about to start firing the flash. max had trouble getting through the vows, he was so choked up. everyone was. it was honest, heartfelt, and beautiful.

see the full set of photos here.

place de la concorde

2007-10-16T10:57:00.000-04:00

trevor had a great idea: lets make photoshopped pics of our decapitated heads on the spot where marie antoinette and louis lost theirs!

day 3

2007-10-09T05:18:00.000-04:00

the subway is pretty much the same as new york's. really, it's like the west village and soho exploded into an entire city, except with actual history.

paris

2007-10-08T03:14:00.001-04:00

the view from max's balcony:

from two days of wandering..

long beach.. and long island

2007-09-27T00:10:00.001-04:00

so, "thanksgiving" has just been selected to play at the long island gay and lesbian film festival! depending on imminent developments, i may not be able to make it, which is a shame. i've yet to see my baby play a festival. i would love to go to this one, and see nyc again.

here's the screening history for "thanksgiving:"

July 2007 Philadelphia International Gay and Lesbian Film Fesival
August 2007 Outflix Film Festival: Memphis
October 2007 Long Beach Q Festival
November 2007 Long Island Gay & Lesbian Film Festival

fun stuff, and great news

2007-09-26T11:18:00.000-04:00

john august had a trailer-cutting competition using footage from his new film, "the nines." i worked all day sunday and all night monday to finish my entry in time, and received an honorable mention on his site for "best tic-tac-toe" hahahaha. which is great because that damn tic-tac-toe (i think of it more as a sudoku) was the only original thing about my entry, and 80% of my editing time was spent making it. check it out:

in other news, i am currently in negotiations with a small, independent production company to develop, produce, and direct 4 or 5 ten-minute gay-themed comedy shorts that will be bundled with a gay travelogue dvd. this is amazing. i would get paid to direct a series of narrative stories, it's immediate work for neal, my playwright-now-turned-screenwriter-who-just-moved-here, and the experience will be invaluable.

the permanence of film is astonishing. all the years, all the work i put into theatre is completely ephemeral. of course the experience was important, but all i can show is some reviews and some photos, and really, it's only agents and managers who take the time to physically come see the show who might recognize your talent and help you step up to the next level. but with film, the work exists and can be examined by anyone at any point. i've done tons of video projects, but only two "real" short films, and in the last year, they have both proven to have lives far beyond when i felt i was "done" with them. i realize now, that the "done" feeling is a symptom of theatre.

"loaded" played 2 major festivals and has made waves among the magicians circuit, having played every major magic convention in the country, and has probably been seen on youtube by every professional magician. i'm currently working with my dad on another magician-themed concept. "thanksgiving" is still popping up at festivals, playing its third on october 13th, at the long beach q festival.

i met these producers at a premiere, we hit it off, had a great conversation, and eight months later, called me up for a meeting, wanting to license "thanksgiving" and "loaded" for streaming on a pay-per-view web video service they are working on. the deal was placed on hold, in favor of this new opportunity, that would have me creating new content specifically for them, with distribution already in place. i don't want to count chickens before they hatch, but at this point in my career, even the possibility of this opportunity is exciting to me. if it falls through, i will learn how to make it sail next time.

the hollywood party, or, "yes that's my car"

2007-09-15T16:20:00.000-04:00

my friend and future business partner, celeste, was an assistant to one of the producers on forest whitaker's new movie, which just finished shooting. celeste got me into the wrap party, which was held last night at the roosevelt hotel. i'm familiar with the roosevelt only because my previous boss bought out all the rooms around the swimming pool for his birthday party weekend and then called me from said party drunk and high to tell me how much he loved me.

so, i was looking forward to seeing this poolside area. also i was pretty excited to be hobnobbing with a-listers, and maybe get a taste of what it feels like to be one of them. the night was warm, palm trees pointed to the stars, we all looked like superstars, the bar was open, gourmet food was passed around, and life was good. and "there's justin timberlake, just over there, sitting at that couch, no joe, that couch over there, chatting with the group of people who came in just behind us. he's dating jessica biel, don't you know? she's in the movie too. that why he's here."

and i thought, how does this happen? where does all this money come from? how is this life possible? how the hell did these people get here? how do i get to do what they do? is there a future in which a party like this is held for a movie that i direct?

and i'm introduced to people and i tell them what i do, and i think i'm almost convincing in my new attempts to not sound apologetic when i say it. and i ask what they do, and they say things like 'i was the second second.' and there's two ways i can respond to something like that: i can either maintain the illusion that i "belong amongst them," nod my head enthusiastically and say "wow! what a great opportunity for you, that's fantastic," or i can be open and honest, and reveal that i'm a complete idiot newbie in this world by admitting that i have no clue what a "second second" does.

i chose option a. it maintained an illusion, sure, but it removed the possibility of having any real conversation, hindered genuine connection, and kept me from learning something new, something that might help me find answers to the myriad questions floating through my mind as i stared over at the beautiful people silhouetted by pool-light. i would pay the karmic price for this transgression later.

i met celeste's friend derek, who starred in the film 'boy culture,' which was directed by allan brocka, who i admire greatly and who's career i hope to emulate. "i should say something," i thought, "i should use my knowledge of his work to try and make some real connection." i couldn't muster the courage. i'm a quiet guy by default. fighting that impulse usually pays off, but it takes considerable effort and i'm physically tired by the end of it.

as the party wound down, it shifted from an exclusive gathering of creatives to an assault of manufactured breasts, loosely draped in synthetic fabric. ah, the other side of hollywood was encroaching, and it was time to leave.

i stood next to a group of tan breasts and legs, all waiting for the valet to pull up with our cars. lexus after lexus, luxury sports car after luxury suv. i had tried on every shirt in my closet before settling on this outfit, and none of it would matter when the most crucial piece of my los angeles wardrobe would reveal everything about me. the valet sheepishly pulled my car in, over to the side, as if already apologizing to the waiting crowd. there was laughter from the boobs, and an exclamation from a guy inside the boob cluster: "who valeted that piece of shit?"

and that was my moment to step from the crowd and claim little r2d2, as my piece of shit. justin, my old boss, bought a new car every 2 months, and now i see why. to him, it was as much an accessory as shoes. it had to be current, and it had to look good puling up in front of everyone, post-party. i drove off, thankful to have had a little taste of the future, with an extra helping of humility.

the procreation sonnets

2007-09-11T01:02:00.000-04:00

i've never really read the sonnets before, and now that i'm learning them from the beginning, they are raising all kinds of interesting questions.

the first 17 sonnets are what are known as 'the procreation sonnets,' in which shakespeare (or, 'the poet,' as there is much debate over whether the sonnets are creations to be spoken by a fictional character, or true love poems to shakespeare's acquaintances) is speaking to a guy of unfathomable beauty, and encouraging him to have a kid. whoever this guy is, he is very into himself (sonnet 4 makes a not so veiled reference to masturbation), and shakespeare seems just as into him.

it's fascinating to use these poems to try and reconstruct (or at least peek at) the sexual politics of the time. without cultural boundaries set, without 'gay' as an 'identity,' how would homosexuality express itself in shakespeare's time? is shakespeare gay because he writes so unabashedly of a man's beauty? is the subject of the early sonnets gay because he shows no interest in women? what exactly is the relationship between them? how would either of these guys identify in the modern world? certainly in the underground world of the theatre, love between men was expressed, and certainly many gay men found refuge in playing female roles on and off stage. but not having 'gay' as an identity seems both freeing and constricting. freeing in that there are no boundaries - love and attraction for a man can be expressed without suspicion, and without compromising masculinity. though, it doesn't seem worth that freedom if you must live knowing that you are somehow different, but don't have the words or societal permission to truly express it.

what's most intriguing are the arguments shakespeare lays out to this young man. he serenades the guy with the same gusto that he would use on a potential lover, but doesn't express any desire to be with him. instead, all that effort is to encourage the guy to find a woman (any old woman seems to be sufficient) and have a kid asap, so that the genetic perfection in this guy will continue on.

i've only learned through sonnet 4, but am looking forward to being able to perform all 17 of the procreation sonnets in one big, "have a baby now, you hottie" monologue.

heath and michelle

2007-09-05T16:46:00.000-04:00

i'm so sorry i couldn't be there for you, guys, and if you'd just told me that leaving might be he cleave that separates you once and for all, i might have stayed. but now that you're done, boerum hill just seems a little less special.

gawker: Boerum Hill Comes To Terms With Heathchelle Split

here is a previous post about my one encounter with the troubled couple: my brush with heathness.

paul greengrass

2007-08-27T03:57:00.000-04:00

like the restaurant battle in 'kill bill,' this sequence from 'bourne ultimatum' is pure, virtuoso filmmaking. i've watched this fist fight over and over again, trying to figure out the sheer number of setups in the sequence.

acclaimed editor, and editing theorist walter murch says that if you cut between more than 14 setups per minute, the audience starts to go crazy. i don't have a solid count on this sequence, but there are way more than 14 setups. i think the key is in the way one setup is cut into the next: what used to be regarded as ugly jump cuts are now commonplace. it is acceptable to cut between two angles that are close together. murch's theory comes from old school visual vocabulary where cuts must happen between contrasting angles: 14 of these in one minute would make your head spin, but in this case the myriad of setups are all close together, and the cutting happens between similar angles, not contrasting ones. each cut flows with the action, and though the cuts and the camerawork are frenetic, the movement of the scene is crystal clear because of the sharpness of the sound effects editing.

it's brimming with the excitement of something new, which means there will be many imitators.. so look forward to a lot of badly done shakycam and jump cut editing in the near future. meanwhile, greengrass' editor should be nominated for another oscar.

btw: if you're going to see 'ultimatum,' i reccomend you re-watch 'supremacy.' 'ultimatum' fits into it like a jigsaw puzzle piece - a revelation that blew me away with its storytelling audacity, and unwillingness to pander to the audience.

another year, another project

2007-08-24T01:27:00.001-04:00

and so, the new haiku year comes to a close. laura and i wrote a three line poem for the last 365 days. we had done the exercise once before, during a year that encompassed leaving grad school and moving to new york, so it felt appropriate to reinstate it for this year of similar changes.

the first time around, i remember both of us felt great relief that the project was over, but this time i've been dreading the end for months now. not only was it a great creative exercise, but it has become the primary source of communication between myself and laura, as we lead our incredibly different lives.

so we've decided to continue it indefinitely. perhaps one day we'll both tire of it and agree to end it, but i somehow doubt it. it's an important chronicle, a journal that's easy to keep, and a reminder of where we've been. plus, at the end of it all, we will have the most amazing book.

i've also begun another project, for myself. i've decided that i'm going to learn all of shakespeare's sonnets, and record a short video of me performing each one. it will probably take years and years to complete all 154, which is exciting in itself.

will my acting improve by the end of it? how much older will i look? how much wiser will i be? so far i've done three. and i'm not cheating either. i have to know each sonnet cold. no cue cards or hints (i tried it, and you can see my eyes reading. it looks awful.) i set up a separate youtube account just for these videos. subscribe!

back to boyhood weekend

2007-08-17T20:17:00.000-04:00

last weekend the roommates and i embarked on an amazing trip into the past.

first we watched the film 'space camp,' which definitively nails the 'kate capshaw is a terrible terrible actress' coffin shut. it's obvious that the only thing spielberg saw in her was.. himself. the film is fascinating to watch for several reasons: 1) it had such a profound impact on me as a boy. 2) lea thompson, kelly preston, joaquin phoenix, and tate donovan all got their start on it, and 3) terry o'quinn (locke on 'lost') has three lines, and hair.

the plot is so amazingly stupid, the acting is atrocious, and yet it taps into a childhood fascination with outer space in a way that still makes it (just barely) watchable.

take a trip back to 1986, with this amazing set of trailers, including one for 'space camp.'

the second wave of 'return to boyhood 2007' consisted of a jaunt to california's 'legoland,' yes, a theme park based entirely on plastic bricks.

last year i got david a ticket for his birthday because our early friendship (we were 6 years old), like the park, was based entirely on plastic bricks.

the target demographic for legoland is kids aged 5-12. i don't recommend it unless you possess the capability to truly regress yourself down to that age. fortunately, for the three of us, this was no problem at all. we spent a good portion of the day programming lego robots to pick up lego asteroids and lego astronauts.

the highlight though, was the scale reconstructions of entire cities in lego - including new orleans' bourbon street, which faithfully depicts the first gay bar i ever went to. how cool is that?

also in legos: the bethesda fountain!

i bought myself a lego artoo-detoo keychain, and a set from the new, totally awesome, anime inspired exo-force collection.

on the way home we had dinner in laguna beach. the people were disturbingly pulled from jcrew catalogs and reality shows, but the sunset on the beach was so beautiful.

letting go of inhibiting perfectionism

2007-08-06T04:11:00.000-04:00

so i've come to yet another realization: perfectionism is a curse.
it's also a beautiful thing, yes, but it's mostly a curse.

the perfectionist goes to see a movie, the movie sucks. the perfectionist is shocked that such talentless people are actually working: talentless writer, talentless director, talentless actors. how the hell is this stuff getting made? why, the perfectionist asks, am i not working in the same field? i am at least as good as they are, hell i'm better!

and the reason is because the perfectionist has a petrifying fear of failure. rather than be less than perfect, the perfectionist attempts nothing, does nothing, and in doing so, never learns, never grows. perhaps the petrified perfectionist's only developed skill is that of criticism. and that skill, being so honed, frightens the perfectionist even more, because should they put work out into the world, that work would be dissected by others with the same fine scalpel they gleefully used to cut with themselves.

i've been here almost a year now. i think it's nearly time to take another big risk. one that would have me land flat on my face, but one that would have me put work out into the world, face the firing squad, get better, learn, and grow.

yet still more excellent news

2007-08-01T23:48:00.000-04:00

thanksgiving has been accepted to the long beach q film festival! (unfortunately, i will be in paris for my friend max's wedding when it screens in october.)

my dad's short screenplay, adobo, has been selected by the boulder asian film festival to be produced, and i will be directing it! they are looking to start production soon, so, uh, i guess i'll be flying out to boulder at some point. yikes!

not a tourist

2007-07-20T05:59:00.000-04:00

an awesome/terrifying thought occurred to me this week: that as a kid, most of the cool things i dreamt about doing when i "grew up" are now being done by people around my age. it's terrifying in that it really puts boot to ass in the "make something of yourself" category, and it's awesome in that it says "not only is it possible for you to do this, but the time is now."

i had to face a lot of fears these past two weeks - last week a shoot was scheduled for the tv show on wednesday. monday, my boss' wife had a baby, completely removing him from the picture, which meant that wednesday's shoot would have to be directed by.. me. my first time directing a full day of shooting, with a full crew, and without my boss to fall back on. awesome/terrifying.

then monday afternoon the shoot fell apart, first on a crew level, then the participants backed out, and we lost the location. i had 2 days, with no boss, and limited resources to pull it together from scratch. i had to go into action mode, must have made 100 phone calls, couldn't sleep, had to push the shoot to thursday, but by tuesday afternoon had participants, a location, crew, and it looked like this new version of the episode would end up being better than the one originally planned.

by the time i actually arrived on set thursday morning, my original fear of directing it had been obliterated by having worked like crazy to make sure that there even was a shoot.

i felt so much joy that day for a variety of reasons: just working with the cinematographer to plan out the shots, using the lingo unselfconsciously (finally!), making the little finger gestures to indicate to the camera operators if they should pan, tilt, or zoom, asking the PA to do the tasks i had been doing only 2 months ago. there is great freedom in admitting how much i don't know yet. i didn't know which was the key light. i didn't know what a stinger was. or a hot stab. i'm still learning the technical aspects, but there was a great feeling in realizing just how much i did know. i knew exactly how a shot was being used and why we needed it. i knew we needed to re-do something because it wouldn't cut together right. i knew which pieces of information needed to be brought forward.

the day you know you're no longer a tourist in new york, is when you get asked for directions and know the answer without thinking (the day you're a native is the day you deliberately give wrong directions). i'm not a native on set, but i'm also no longer a tourist. of course, some mistakes were made, but it's the only way to learn to get better, and i'm looking forward to future shoots.

we have premiered

2007-07-19T00:50:00.000-04:00

so my little big gay film is now out there in the world. unfortunately, i don't know anyone who attended the screening, so i have no idea how it went over, but someone did post a lovely review on the festival website. maybe more responses will trickle in over time.

if you'd like to see thanksgiving, here is a link to the beautiful quicktime version, and here is the link to the cheap and skanky youtube version. enjoy!

you can stop the beat. you can stop it dead.

2007-07-16T03:11:00.001-04:00

i gotta say i'm pretty impressed with the soundtrack to the upcoming hairspray movie (nikki blonski sings far better than winokur), which has reignited my obsession with listening to 'you can't stop the beat.'

and then i got sucked into a youtube hole, looking for clips, and finding the most dreadful high school show choir/drama camp renditions ever put down on digital media. they are so bad they're good. they're so bad i can't stop watching. you must share my pain/joy. these are just too glamtastrophic to be missed. some of them are truly horrifying, but others have an infectious energy behind them that supercedes the amateurishness.

this choreographer bravely allows the cast to do a little freeform movement in between rigid sections of step-touch, step-touch.

i actually really like this one from the sullivan high school singers. they are one of the only renditions to achieve actual performance energy without copying jerry mitchell's choreography.

this one is staggeringly good. also, there's staggering. i love how when they sing 'you can try stop my dancin' feet but i just cannot stand still,' they're, uh, standing still. my favorite parts: back handspring girl at the beginning, and the gay boy in the front who's just a little too good at some of those moves.

i think this one is from the basement of a church. it's hard to knock when they're having so much fun with mitchell's choreography.

jazz hands! .. jazz hands! ..jazz hands!

this one wants to be on america's funniest home videos, except it's missing the part at the end where the stage falls apart from under them. also gunning for the 'most people dancing in the smallest space' award. it's like the roxy on a saturday night.

these kids are lip-synching and doing the original staging, but they have such a great time, and i love the asian seaweed. no black kids at drama camp, so the most vaguely ethic person gets cast in the black role. love it.

kids. kids are cute.

bird vs. bay: character vs. characterization

2007-07-05T14:14:00.000-04:00

so i saw 2 movies this week: ratatouille and transformers.

one was filet mignon, served on fine china. the other was a turd rolled in staples, served on a hubcap.

and it occurred to me, watching transformers, which has absolutely no characters in it at all, that there are two major problems.

problem 1: michael bay doesn't understand the meaning of character. he thinks he does, but he doesn't.

bay confuses character with "assigning quirks." he believes that if you give each person an odd, memorable moment, you've succeeded in fleshing out their "character."

which makes me think of what mamet says about character. i'm paraphrasing: "when we say that our grandfather 'had character,' we are not referring to the way he held his pipe. we are referring to his tenacity of spirit."

character is revealed when we watch someone, faced with a problem, try to solve it. every single comic moment in ratatouille is engendered from the clash of all the character's honest pursuit of their goals. no one is given "quirks." some of them have quirks, but it's because the storyteller has deemed them crucial for us to know of in order to follow the story's path.

the list of quirks handed out to characters in transformers is endless and arbitrary. all are interchangeable. perhaps they were picked out of a hat.

one has a dog in a cast who eats pain pills
three have embarrassing moms
one likes to speak spanish for no reason
two are black and yell at women
one has an often mispronounced last name (the exact same gag attempted in godzilla)
several have a funny accents
one has boobs and is a mechanic (a skill which is stated, but never used)
it goes on and on..

of course, these traits exist in characters from good films, but the difference is that they happen to reveal these things through action, not not not, most absolutely not through straight exposition, for the sake of characterization.

i've heard the argument from defenders of transformers many times: it's just a popcorn movie! it's not supposed to be good! i don't understand why this film, which isn't any better than the broderick godzilla, has gotten a free pass. i am not expecting schindler's list, but what i am expecting is a movie that knows what it wants to accomplish, that has a clear, simple story, and is well told. i don't think it's unreasonable to have expected transformers to be as enjoyable as jurassic park, or hell, even jurrassic park 3.

problem 2: the action sequence. watch the 9 minute teaser from ratatouille. remy falls into the kitchen and must escape. what follows is an action sequence of his hugely elaborate attempt to get out, during which we never once lose track of what his plan is, how well he is doing, how close he is to success, and what his thought process is every step of the way.

in the many transformers action sequences, there is never any sense of win or loss that we can gain visually. we can only tell that something bad has happened because we've suddenly gone into slow motion, and the music got sad. we're not seeing anything affect anyone, we're having the beats spoonfed to us. on top of that, both the good robots and bad robots look nearly identical while fighting, and the character design also makes it impossible to tell what's an arm, a leg, a head - they are the turds rolled in staples.

i actually found myself having trouble staying awake during the climactic battle. i'd given up trying to follow it. it was all pitched at the same level, with no variation, and eventually, just became noise.

and my god, all it needed was a little clarity of vision, and clarity of story.

the disgruntled transformers crewperson who wrote this poem for the wrap party knew the damage they had wrought.

thank god for ratatouille, which is maybe the best pixar film, certainly the best film i've seen this year, and comes damn close to being a perfect film in its own right.

every time we see a movie, we vote with our dollars. we say "i want to see more of this." and the beauty of the movies is that the turd sandwich and the filet mignon cost exactly the same. and yeah, i get that you'll want to see transformers anyway, for the effects.. but that's what bittorrent is for. download that puppy, as protest.

fuck michael bay, and please, order more filet.

imdb!

2007-07-03T18:30:00.000-04:00

check it out here!

give us high star ratings!

i'll put the film up on youtube after the 18th.

yay dad!

2007-06-28T17:57:00.002-04:00

so my dad's short screenplay, "adobo," has been chosen as one of the top two winners of the boulder asian film festival's short screenplay competition! he gets a cash prize, and may be chosen to be produced in time to premiere at next year's festival.

dr. manhattan

2007-06-26T13:04:00.001-04:00

it's pretty much confirmed that they've cast patrick wilson as dr. manhattan in the upcoming 'watchmen' movie, which is great, he'll look great. but i still think it should be daniel craig:

"watchmen" is the "citizen kane" of comic books/graphic novels. there's no way it can reasonably be condensed into a 2 hour movie, but i hope that the film stays true to the book's central core.

i'm all over this country

2007-06-14T19:27:00.001-04:00

i've been doing a lot of freelance design work for a tour bus company in hollywood. if you ever visit hollywood & highland, you -will- have one of my brochures thrust into your hands as you walk by.

the screening date for "thanksgiving" has been announced! it will play at the philadelphia gay and lesbian film festival on wednesday, july 18th, at 9:30 pm. unfortunately, i won't be able to attend :( july is just too damned busy a month. i will premiere "thanksgiving" on the web at the same time.

the musical parody of 'silence of the lambs' is moving off-broadway! and along with it goes one of my very favorite poster designs. i'm hoping this puppy (literally haha.) is plastered all over town.

the open road

2007-06-10T01:40:00.000-04:00

i'm now in the second month of my new job. i haven't written anything about it because i'm mostly still figuring out what's happening, how things function, what's expected of me, and what the shape of my life might be now that i'm putting actual effort into what i do to make money.

to get to work, i drive along the ocean every day, then through the winding hills of topanga canyon. gone is the highway to hollywood i commuted twice a day, working for overgrown, insanely rich children. now, once i enter the canyon, the car goes silent, unable to pick up radio stations, and becomes my meditation, my time to assess both the day to come and the day gone by.

i've never cared before, never really cared about my job. it's a new feeling that i'm just now getting used to. my entire post-college life, i brought deep secrets into the office with me each day: "i am not one of you." "i will not get sucked into your world." "i will not get comfortable here." "i will be friends with none of you." i spent my days as an automaton, doing the bare minimum, getting through it, then going home to work until 1 or 2am on the theatre company.

for years it worked, and it worked because i had superhero energy, enough to sustain two lives, one sitting in stillness dreaming of a different life, and the other desperately trying to muster the energy to make that dreamed-of life happen.

and now, finally, though i'm working in what has been described as 'a ghetto cable sweatshop,' it is more in line with my dreams than any other steady job i've had. i can finally see the steps up mazlow's pyramid.

it's tough sometimes. having had jobsite ambivalence for so long, it's a given that caring means the rewards will be exponentially greater, but it also means that when you fuck up, it cuts with proportional depth.

as for the job, i'm learning so much. i create episode concepts, scout participants and locations, write episode outlines, organize shooting days; i'm even beginning to direct some of the shoots. i'm involved in each piece of the show, down to steaming wrinkles out of the host's dress.

i'm learning to feel at home on set, which is a good thing, because i'm planning to spend a good portion of my life there.

driving to work each day, ocean to my left, mountains to my right, i remind myself to be thankful for all of this, for everyone who has put faith in me, who has helped me along the path. i think back to the open road that faced me as i left new york, the courage it took to drive it, and the rewards reaped for traversing it. though i've reached one destination, the road continues on, each leg harder than the last. if i intend to face my life with bravery rather than complacency, it means making the hard choices, it means it shouldn't get easier, ever. i must continue to do what scares me.

lost 3.22 'through the looking glass' spoilers

2007-06-04T15:18:00.000-04:00

written by: show runners damon lindelof and carlton cuse.

directed by: jack bender, who is the 'lead director' of the show. he's directed many of the best eps, 19 in total, including every premiere and finale, save for j.j. abrams' pilot.

if you have not kept up with lost, if you've seen a handful of episodes here and there, if you want to experience the greatest long-form storytelling revelation we've yet seen in network television unspoiled, DO NOT READ ON.

it's taken me awhile to compile my thoughts on this episode. i feel like there's less of a time crunch, with what, 8 months until season 4, and also, i've needed to let it sit with me for a bit.

"through the looking glass" indeed, this was the greatest episode of lost in the show's history, and maybe the best season finale cliffhanger since star trek: the next generation's 'the best of both worlds, part 1.'

where to begin? let's start at the beginning.

so here's where my brain went during the 'flashback' scenes:

oh that's a cute opening. a little nod to jack's exchange with cindy in the pilot episode. i guess it's jack's habit to ask for more drinks.
the only place that this would fit the timeline is if it's jack coming home from thailand.
who is in the car crash? it must be someone important..
oh, ok the car crash person isn't important.
who is in the coffin? did his wife die? no, juliet tells us she's married and happy. did his mom die? no, we see her just before jack leaves for sydney. did achara the tattoo girl die? who cares!
hm. there's his wife, ex-wife i mean. yeah, this must be after thailand. he still has, like, 5 tattoos left to explain. maybe that's what this is all about. he looks wrecked enough to get another tattoo.
did they have razr phones before 2004? i guess they must have. the props department is very careful about that kind of stuff.
hoffs/drawlar funeral home looks like an anagram.
maps. he has maps laid out in his apartment? why would he have maa... holy fuck. no. no way. did they? what the fuck. no way. no way they did. it's not.. right? it's not. they wouldn't do that would they? there's that phone again. omg. the phone. there were no razr phones in 2004. it's the fucking future. holy shit it's the fucking future.
oh god, it's gonna be kate isn't it? kate. yep. there's kate. jesus. they're really doing this. holy crap.

basically this episode demanded that you watch it again immediately. it inverted the traditional structure, yet it still worked under the assumption that what we were seeing was a flashback.

the classic episode of lost gives us the flashbacks to provide an emotional backbone, resonance, and understanding of the character's 'current' actions on the island. and so we view this episode intuiting that the flashbacks are somehow informing jack's actions on the island - then the kicker comes, and you realize, in a cathartic moment, that what you have seen is the exact opposite. it is actually the island scenes that are informing the 'flashback.' a perfectly executed reversal.

but the emotional payoffs of the island story were so tight and satisfying, that even without the snake in the mailbox, this would have stood right alongside last year's very strong finale. the best acting happens in scenes where you can feel the delight of the actors at getting good material to play, and nearly everyone in the 5 plotlines seemed to be having a blast.

favorite moments from the island plot:

every line rose uttered. she was the voice of an audience fed up with jack. it was worth bringing her back just for that. bravo.
the kate/sawyer/jack/juliette squaredance. jack says he loves kate and then kisses juliette? dhr-ama!
the van. ok, i called it. i knew that van was going to be important! and it was perfectly set up with hurley being rejected twice because of his weight. a fantastic moment.
also loved hurley's 'hey other dudes!' on the
sawyer kills tom. i let out an uncontrolled 'YES!' after he said 'that's for taking the kid off the raft.' it was perfect. we needed to be reminded of the sins tom and the others had committed, and just how bad and unforgivable they were. tom certainly didn't deserve to die, but it was a great moment, laying the groundwork for who we might expect a purposeless sawyer to become in the remaining seasons.
locke throws a knife into naomi's back. i called this one too - locke was introduced into the show with a knife throw, and this served as an intro for the 'new' locke. i believe it's also going to set up a warring jack/locke saga to come.
charlie's death. yes. we said goodbye, and it was emotionally poignant. i wasn't bothered by questions of why he didn't swim out the window. he knew he needed to die. i recently re-watched 'the moth,' charlie's first flashback. the ring, his brother, all the themes come back around full circle. a lovely sendoff.
rousseau and alex finally meet. 'help me tie him up?' genius

so here's the big questions facing us as we head into year 4:

is the format of the show forever changed, with these flash-forwards?
where does the flash-forward fit into the timeline?
we know some of them get rescued. at what cost? who is still on the island?
who is 'he' that kate needs to get back to?
who is in the casket?
is jack's father somehow alive?
who's naomi working for? who's on the ship?

1. i don't believe the format will drastically change until the final season of the show. we still have lots of backstory that needs filling in. i want to see more ben flashbacks. i want to see a rousseau flashback (which we have been promised next year). flashbacks are not going away. this revelation is very similar to last year's reveal when we learned that the outside world exists, and is aware of the island. after that revelation, we wondered if the show's format would now start featuring people off the island trying to find it.. nope.

the season 2 revelation that penny was looking for the island was allowed to hang in the background of this entire 3rd season - brought back into play only three times: during desmond's 2 flashback episodes, and the finale. i believe that jack's flash-forward will similarly hang throughout all of next year. probably we won't get another flash-forward until next year's finale - but from this point forward, all of the 'flashes' will hang in mystery - "forward or back?" we'll wonder, until enough information is given for us to place it.

2. the la times revealed that the specific page used for the newspaper came from the april 5, 2007 edition. but were fans intended to discover this? the dateline is never revealed on-screen, so i wonder if this date is canon. if this is the case, then i wonder how the flashforwards will play out. the island time happens sequentially, at a rate of one month per season. three remaining seasons isn't enough time to fill in all the events from january 2005 to april 2007.

my feeling is that we are being set up for a dual catharsis in the grand finale - one in which we will see the survivors being rescued (by which time we will know what happens to them once they reach the mainland), played simultaneously with jack's triumphant return to the island, back where he belongs, possibly reunited with juliet?

3. all we know at this point is that jack and kate get off the island. who else? what of juliet? clearly, jack has no one else in his life at this point. it will probably take a full season to be revealed, but whoever is on the other end of the satellite phone is not going to be brining good tidings.

4. here's the choices: sawyer. her son by sawyer. someone we haven't met yet. i don't think 'he's going to be wondering where i am' is something you say about a 2 year old baby.

5. here's the choices: aaron. ben. locke. sawyer. michael. walt. jin. desmond. sayid. jacob. someone we haven't met yet. all we know is that he's male, and jack doesn't consider him friend or family. stills of the newspaper article makes it look like a "j" name, and the casket sort of looks short, but it's debatable. this is one of the great 'new mysteries,' this season's four-toed statue - and again, there's not enough information to make a real prediction. any amount of story between now and the end could satisfyingly put any of those men into that casket.

but here's the other factor: this man's death drove jack to suicide. so, this man must have some knowledge of how to get back to the island. ben? michael? locke? desmond? the idea of it being michael is intriguing - we could look back at this episode and say that 'both michael and walt reappeared!' this requires that michael took a fake name, and that both jack and kate knew his fake name, and that for some reason jack hadn't yet tapped him for his island knowledge.

6. probably not. there is of course plenty of story-time to somehow bring him back, but it's not likely. if the producers -really- wanted to confuse us, they would have actually put christian shepard in the episode. it would have been a great way to 'lock' it in our minds as a flashback and then really fuck with our heads once kate appears. instead we have innuendo coming only from jack, and no acknowledgment from anyone else that his dad might be around.

7. i have a feeling it is the widmore corporation, operating behind penny's back, somehow. penny's dad has something to do with dharma - is he trying to find desmond in order to make amends with penny? is he trying to find desmond once and for all and destroy him? is there a dual motive? once the key turned, it was probably the first time that mainland operations realized that something was amiss on dharma island, so they sent a rescue team - but why would naomi claim to be hired by penny? and if she wasn't, how does she have that photo?
lots of holes to fill in..

so that's my thoughts, on this, the best serialized show on television ever. six feet under is still the greatest drama. battlestar galactica is the greatest sci-fi. let's not even talk about the hackneyed and lazy 'heroes' finale. an utter disappointment that lived up to only the lowest moments in that show's first season.

during the hiatus, i'll be re-watching all of 'lost' again, and may chime back in with some observations. if you read my recaps, agree, disagree, or just want to discuss the show, drop a comment or email.

i've taken some flack for turning this into a 'lost' blog.. so next year, i will create a separate spot for all of this.. until then!

lost recap coming

2007-06-01T16:48:00.001-04:00

i'm taking my time. i mean, we've got 8 months before the next episode...

more great news

2007-05-27T15:29:00.000-04:00

"thanksgiving" just got into the outflix film festival in memphis!

"loaded" just got into the broomfield film festival!

woohoo!

lost 3.21 'greatest hits' spoilers

2007-05-17T19:49:00.000-04:00

written by: edward kitsis and adam horowitz. the guys are clearly damon and carlton's favorites.

directed by: stephen williams. a veteran 'lost' director.

yet another episode that goes into the 'will play much better when you can see it back-to-back with the next one' category. we spent an hour saying goodbye to charlie, and then had the goodbye cut off in mid-story. after all that (effective) emotional rape, he'd better die next week, that's all i have to say.

i'm trying to stay off fan sites b/c apparently the script to the finale was leaked and spoilers are -everywhere-. who would want to be spoiled on this? who reads the last page of a book before they've gotten there? idiots.

there's only one episode left! not much time to wrap up some lose ends that i think need to be addressed.. here's my questions/talking points for this week:

the van. was the entire purpose to hurley's van episode to tease out ben's father's story? it seems like that van still needs to play a part in the final showdown.
room 23. we can assume that it brainwashes you, but to what end? what do you become/believe after being strapped in it? was jack put in it?
will jack's flashback next week be on-island, or pre-island?
will alex finally meet danielle? she's met everyone else.
rose/bernard return - why?
did desmond -actually- go back in time?
what is the season-ending game-changer going to be?

1. it lovely seeing all those sparkly new dharma vans in ben's episode, but in planning for the other's attack, it seems like the losties have forgotten that they have a car! can they just drive away? or at least drive to a new spot? what happened to the season 1 caves? why can't they just go back there?

2. room 23 was too big a nugget to just drop in and not address again before the finale. it was so frustrating that kate and saywer never grabbed the kid by the shoulders while they had the chance and said TELL US WHAT THE HELL THAT ROOM WAS FOR. now they have the chance. they'd better do it. which brings me to #3:

3. if jack's flashback is on-island (which, due to recent episodes, seems less likely), i would love to find out that he had been 'room 23'd.' but now that jack is talking a little more, it doesn't seem like he's actualy holding onto any major piece of information anymore - but i could be wrong. last year, at this point, we got 'three minutes,' in which we find out how the others got michael to do what he did.. will we get a similar story about jack?

if jack's story is from his past and goes off-island, then i'm really hoping it's a followup to the lackluster thailand tattoo story. i'm holding out hope that the writers will be able to rescue it by giving a satisfying conclusion to what felt like half a story .

4. i have this awful feeling that alex is going to die accidentally. one of the losties, who doesn't know shes a good guy, will kill her, or the dynamite plan will backfire in an awful way. rousseau and ben will both morn, maybe rousseau will finally get to meet her before she dies, and then it will be a vengeful war between them..

5. damon and carlton have said that they can't justify flying in rose and bernard unless they have a good story for them - so what's the story going to be? i can't help but think that one or both of them is going to die.

6. so charlie's street flashback, which weirdly crosses him with sayid through nadia, was interesting. at first i thought 'oh my god.. desmond is going to show up, like he did in 'flashes before your eyes' and he's not going to recognize him, and it's going to be crazy!' but then desmond -didn't- show up, which i think is very very important. because of the perfectly-timed rainstorm, i believe that this was intended to be the very same moment we saw in 'flashes,' but the designers made a deliberate choice to have charlie in a slightly different outfit. i was wondering if we would get a scene where charlie 'retroactively remembers' desmond from the street, and here it seems clear that this is not the case. 'our' charlie never met desmond before coming to the island.

what i think this tells us is that -if- desmond went back in time, he went to an -alternate- timeline, where things have proceeded slightly differently (naomi's timeline). whatever changes he caused by going back will not directly effect the survivors on the island. however, the alternate timeline continued on, and in it, the plane crashed somewhere else, with no survivors.

while the scene didn't have desmond in it, it does have this pretty cool tivo moment, a sticker on charlie's guitar that says 'i was here moments ago'

7. everyone is abuzz with how the finale will 'change everything.' what could it possibly be? some ideas:

i can see the game changer as confirmation of on-island time-shifting - michael and walt appear, and walt is man-sized - this is more an eventual inevitability than a shocker, though, but still, boom.
claire and aaron get onto the helicopter, fly out to the ship, which turns out to be manned by others. they take arron and throw her overboard. her body sinks to the bottom of the ocean, to the alternate timeline plane wreck, and she comes to rest by her still-pregnant alternate corpse. boom.
locke appears at the end of the episode, with hair, throws a knife into the chest of a cast member (bernard? ben?), and introduces himself as jacob, the leader of the island. boom.
hurley is stepped on by a 400 foot tall, four-toed man. boom.
desmond will get hit on the head again, and will go back in time to the day he followed inman outside, didn't press the button, and caused the plane to crash.
this time he will stay inside, push the button, and the plane crashes elsewhere, changing everything and restarting the entire story. boom.
don't forget, the finale happens just before christmas, island time. jack runs into a clearing where libby, ana lucia, his dad, eko, boone, shannon, nikki, paolo, the others, and everyone else shout 'surprise! merry christmas!' and reveal that for his xmas present, jack's family chipped in, and this whole time he's been playing the game. boom.

minor gripe(s) of the week: nadia's hero speech was a little heavy handed, and crossing nadia with charlie -and- locke in this 'two ships passing in the wind' style feels arbitrary. is it just because that actress is always available?

how is charlie able to make this swim? i've been re-watching season 1 with my roommates, and in the 5th episode, "white rabbit," a woman named joanna dies at sea, and charlie stands there saying with deep regret "i don't swim.. i don't swim." it would have been a nice moment if jack remembered this incident when challenging charlie.

oh and alex, i hate to break it to you, but your 'boyfriend' is a total 'mo.

lost 3.20 'the man behind the curtain' spoilers

2007-05-12T13:02:00.000-04:00

written by: elizabeth sarnoff and drew goddard. looks like damon and carlton, having exercised major quality control over the bulk of the season, are now willing to hand the reigns over, and on an incredibly important episode.

directed by: bobby roth, who has been around forever, another lost debut.

it's tough to write a response to this week's episode because ryan stole so much of my thunder with his shattering theory about how "the story of “lost”, it turns out, might just be the story of locke turning into jacob." i'm happy my prediction about seeing roger and the van was correct, though i didn't expect roger 'work man' would be ben's father.

seriously, read ryan's recap this week. he does an excellent job of laying the whole thing out.

i also recommend listening to this week's official lost podcast - damon and carlton are punchy from having just watched the first cut of the season finale, and at one point can't stop laughing at their own joke about how it will be revealed that the dharma shark, dubbed 'ezra james sharkington' got his dharma tattoo from bai ling. there's also some nice acknowledgement from both of them that jack's tattoo episode sucked ass.

the big questions:

is locke dead/will he die?
wtf is jacob?
does alpert age? do any of his camp age?
who is part of alpert's camp and who was 'brought' to the island?
what happened between ben and alpert during the years between their meeting and the purge? what about annie?
who else survived the purge?
don't forget the rest of em!

1.) locke is not dead, and locke will not die, not yet anyway. though, seeing as how locke's entire backstory has been neatly tied up this season, it's quite possible that 'locke as we know him' is dead. will he supplant ben as leader of the others? locke and jack are more than just characters - they represent the opposing viewpoints at play: man of science, man of faith. will the season 1 tensions between locke and jack escalate to a series finale battle between their two camps? science vs. faith on a grand scale?

2.) it seems pretty obvious to me that it is terry o'quinn wearing a wig in the jacob screencap.

as far as speculation, right now, jacob is 'the hatch.' and trying to predict what he might be at this point is like trying to extrapolate the entire dharma storyline from season 1, episode 11, the hatch's first appearance. what could jacob be? that damned four-toed statue is the only bone we've been thrown regarding the island's older history - so every time there's a new mystery, i try to tie it to the statue. so, my only real guess at this point is that jacob is an energy, or spirit, or something originating from the four-toed people. that's all i got so far.

i do think that the island's dormant volcano will have something important to do with jacob. ben's class, taught by samantha mathis, reminds us that there is, in fact, a volcano, and then there is the mysterious ash (volcanic?) encircling jacob's house.. foreshadowing?

3.) on the blogs and comments people have been wondering if it was just a bad makeup job on alpert, failing to make him look younger. uh, these people are stupid. ben meets alpert as a boy, and now ben is older than alpert. if they wanted to 'make up' alpert to look younger, they would have cast a kid in the part. the real question is whether this non-aging trait is specific to alpert, or if it applies to all of his camp.

when alpert recruited juliet, he showed her an xray of a 70 year old womb in the body of a 26 year old woman - so it looks like alpert is referring to the woman's apparent age, and not her literal age.. and perhaps it is this localized womb degeneration that gives the others problems. did the dharma have pregnancy problems? they were there for a long time, surely it would have come up as an issue much much sooner.. was ben lying to juliet? is it only those in alpert's camp who actually have the pregnancy/death risk? is sun going to be fine after all?

4.) which takes us to the next issue - what exactly is the composition of the others? how many parts dharma, hostiles, recruits, and captures? ben seemed to infer that there were some other few dharma people who had escaped the purge. was he referring to desmond and inman? and why have they brought certain people, like mikhail over? where did the younger others, who could not have been born there, come from? we know alex was kidnapped from rousseau. i'm lookin at you, aldo and matthew. were they also stolen from unfortunates who crashed there?

5.) this is hinted at in the podcast as being a 'major missing story beat' in ben's background. also, we do not know what became of his friend annie. was she also gassed? what happened? we've been promised that we will find out.

6.) i'm wondering what exactly ben's knowledge of the swan station was at the time of the purge. did he not learn of the station's existence until after the first earthquake? i'm not sure how the writers are going to explain that one - though i can see that as a 'work man,' ben wouldn't really ever have full knowledge of what dharma was up to - and perhaps the pearl station explains why he never bothered to purge inman and desmond from the swan: dharma double blinded the importance of their task by making it appear to be meaningless.

7.) ben and locke's story was so engaging that it's easy to forget that back on the camp, a whole bunch of shit is about to go down. i just love that juliet. i alternate between cheering her on and wanting to smack her. her 'turn the tape over' moment was inspired, and the impending dread of the attack was, i think, even more palpable than the similar threat introduced at the same point in season 1! also - how much deep shit is sun going to find herself in? her face, as the tape played - first shock that juliet was betraying her and the camp, then total fear - because it's only a matter of time before jin puts all the pieces together and confronts her about the truth of his pre-island sterility. she still might be able to get away with keeping the affair secret, though.

next week - will charlie die? if so, how on earth will they execute it in a way that is both inevitable and surprising?

minor gripe of the week: ben's birth - we're tricked into thinking that the birth we're witnessing is on the island, because of the jungle setting. and if you hadn't put it together already, you might even think that we're watching one of the others give birth, giving the scene the dread of the mother's impending death, knowing what we know about what happens to preggies. but it's revealed that no, we're not on the island at all - this is way back when, and it's 32 miles outside of portland. very cool. but the problem is that 'today' on the island it's ben's birthday, and 'today' it's december 22. no way is december 22 just outside of portland going to look like a tropical summer on the island. i guess they had to make a choice: drop the birthday angle, or drop the false island tease, and in the end they decided to go ahead with both and hope no one noticed. annoying, but still not nearly as bad as that mrs. hawking photo.

big news

2007-05-11T17:42:00.000-04:00

my first short, thanksgiving, has been invited to be programmed as part of the philadelphia int'l gay and lesbian film festival! woohoo!

lost to announce end date!

2007-05-05T13:23:00.000-04:00

best. news. ever.

what makes me crazy is shortsighted "fans" who think that this is bad news, like the show has been 'cancelled' or something. no no no no no. this allows them to tell their complete story and end it properly.

so it's rumored to be ending in 2009! that part about it being 'not quite 2 seasons' is verrrry interesting.

my guess:
season 4: 22 episodes
season 5: 17 episodes

total number of episodes: 108.

it's really nice to see abc's support of the show, and recognition that it needs to be in an earlier slot, and it needs to run back to back, like 24. it'll be a long wait, but like battlestar galactica, it will be worth it.

lost 3.19 'the brig' spoilers

2007-05-03T11:14:00.000-04:00

written by: damon lindelof and carlton cuse, the show runners, and the 2 people responsible for the grand arc of the lost story.

directed by: eric laneuville. this guy's been around forever. handful of emmy noms and a win for i'll fly away, a show from the early 90's i've never heard of. he directed episodes of l.a. law and quantum leap! though his lost pedigree is not the strongest. he directed the rose/bernard episode, s.o.s., my least favorite in the show's history. though he also helmed season 2's the other 48 days later, one of my favorites. this season he also directed the wimsical but slight hurley episode tricia tanaka is dead.

so this is one of those eps where i really would love to have the dvds, because it demands that you just go right on to the next episode.

many threads and questions in this ep:

what do the others expect of locke?
the others are not all muffins and bookclubs.
what's rousseau gonna blow up?
sawyer's dénouement
keeping and not keeping the naomi secret
the jack/juliet plan
is naomi from the future?
about that plane wreck and those bodies..
about that 'old' place they're going..

1. it gets irritating that locke isn't asking any of the questions i want to hear: how did you get here, dad??? what is the point of all this, ben?? at least the writing lately has allowed other characters to express the audience's frustration, but locke seems content with ambiguious answers, maybe because he enjoys doling them out so much.

2. so what's really going on here with the others? cindy seems to be fully indoctrinated as an other. did she have to kill her dad too? maybe she got a free pass when her boyfriend gary troup was sucked into the turbine? it hadn't struck me until now that we haven't truly addressed the reason -why- they're on the island at all. why do they stay there when they have the ability to leave? what does it offer them? it's a big question, which probably won't fully be answered until next year. next week, however, it looks like we'll get a pretty good picture of where they came from.

this story of locke's admittance to a commune hinging upon killing someone was very elegantly foreshadowed in episode 3 this season, further instructions. "are you a farmer or a hunter, john?"

3. rousseau has been hangin' around a lot this season. the writers don't want us to forget she's out there, and now she's got dynamite. we've been promised a rousseau flashback next year. the thought alone excites me. i hope they do it justice. in 'stranger in a strange land,' my least favorite ep of the season, there was a starry montage of alex and carl looking to the sky from opposite ends of the island. we haven't seen carl since. has he teamed up with rousseau?

4. i wondered who would be surprised that locke's dad turned out to be 'the real sawyer.' i happy to read on other's blogs that casual viewers, those who had forgotten about sawyer's quest, found that reveal to be hugely satisfying. it was played similarly to the jack/claire half-siblings plot point: not a big dramatic moment, but a development that opens itself slowly through the episode. josh holloway did really great work here. the actors this season must be so happy to get all these great scenes to sink their teeth into. i couldn't help thinking, though, as sawyer killed cooper, 'this is exactly the same way princess leia did jabba the hutt.'

5. as ryan points out, choosing sayid to keep the naomi secret was an inspired choice. equally inspired is how quickly the secret falls apart. sayid can't help playing with the phone in the open, and once kate knows, everybody knows. kate's confrontation with jack was interesting. when she mentioned the parachuter, jack/juliet exchanged a look, as if they knew this was coming. does this also have to do with mikhail frantically running to naomi's beacon? after communications went out, have the others been expecting their many mainland operations to come searching?

6. we got a little hint of jack actually having a plan at the end of this ep, as i've suspected - though whatever he's got brewing with juliet is about to get blown to hell when sawyer comes marching back to town with that tape recorder. poor juliet. will she ever get a break? so what is their secret? i don't think we have enough information to even guess at this point. whatever their plan is, it doesn't involve rallying troops for an inevitable battle - it seems to hinge around just waiting - waiting for something to happen, and kate's news about naomi looked to be just that 'something.' it's frustrating that they are gonna hold onto the jack secret until the finale. rrgh!

7. the writers made sure to point out that naomi's phone was more advanced than anyting sayid had ever seen - and the screen design is suspiciously similar to the iphone.. is it a futurephone? so here's what i'm thinking: does time off the island progress at -our- rate? in the off island world, is it may 2007, while on the island it's december 21, 2004? at the end of season 2, where in time were we when penelope received the arctic "we found it" phone call?

of course all they have to do is ask naomi "what's today's date!?" and we'd know, but no one other than desmond would have a reason to think the timeline is wonky. damon and carlton speak regularly about the importance of the walt/michael storyline. it seems to me that off-island time must move at our rate, to explain walt's growth when they eventually reappear.

8. naomi is not lying about the wreckage of the plane and the bodies being found. cooper said the same thing, and it's too far a stretch to connect their motives to tell the exact same lie. the dharma/widmore/others seem plenty equipped to stage a wreck.

another theory is that naomi is from an alternate timeline in which desmond attempted to save the plane from crashing (by continuing to push the button), in the same way he's now trying to save charlie's life, and similarly, all he did was postpone. the plane crashed anyway, off the coast of bali. but it's unlikely that's the case. i was really really hoping for an 'alternate timeline' story for nikki/paolo and didn't get it, so i'm not holding out for that anymore. "othercorp" is rich. they staged the wreck to protect the island.

9. so, the big-ass old column they tied cooper to wasn't the camp's final destination.. ben said they were going to an 'old' place. that column looked pretty similar to... it's four toed-statue time, peeps. i'm guessing that smokey is tied to the civilization that built the statue, and uncovering that story will be next year's hatch.

---

many character-based aspects of the story are winding up - sawyer has killed the real sawyer, we know what kate did, we know how locke was paralyzed, and he's faced the man who did it - there are still some big character questions left, but for many of the leads, it doesn't seem like there is as much flashback story left to tell.

damon and carlton have been mum about how successful they were in negotiations with abc to end the show on their terms - i hoping that all of these concluding threads are an indication that they did get their way and are now bringing us into act 3 of the larger story, knowing exactly how many episodes they have left before the grand finale. please please please let that be the case.

minor gripe of the week: i would have shown desmond's discovery that naomi had been hired by penelope. that's a huge moment of confirmation in the desmond story. instead we learn it long after his discovery. probably there wasn't time, and they couldn't shortchange the sawyer story.

also, that dharma van had better become important soon.

vincent

2007-05-01T16:53:00.000-04:00

my friend vincent is on the cover of dotnews magazine. in the interview he mentions my short that he starred in, thanksgiving.

still trying to get that damn thing into a festival.

a fun game

2007-05-01T02:44:00.000-04:00

figure out which one is the ~~spoof~~ satire!

via towleroad

lost 3.18 'd.o.c.' spoilers

2007-04-28T02:06:00.000-04:00

written by: edward kitsis & adam horowitz. this duo has written some great episodes including my favorite of the much maligned 6 episode 'mini-season:' sawyer's fake heart-bomb story in 'every man for himself.' they also wrote the nikki/paolo 'exposé,' which i felt was successful, though it sparked more debate than any other episode this year.

directed by: fred toye, his first episode of lost! i'd say he nailed it. he comes from the j.j. abrams stable, having produced and directed many episodes of 'alias.'

we are heading towards the climax moment, and if the quality of the episodes continues to climb, the catharsis will probably make my head explode.

the ratings for lost have been climbing as the doubters come back to the show. doubters who will realize that the show -does- indeed have a plan, and who will have to either download the episodes they missed, or buy them on dvd, which should only help restore the network's faith in the show. even if the numbers for ad revenue go down, they're still making a fortune on dvd sales, right?

i'm happy that my faith is paying off. these last few episodes have been phenomenal, and perhaps now people are seeing that we needed the expository opening act of the season in order for the latter half to work as well as it has been.

on to business:

naomi.

who is she?

let's look at the evidence in favor of her being affiliated with mittelos bioscience/widmore/the other's on-shore enterprise:

cycled through several languages before finding one that only she and mikhail could speak.
had a blinking beacon very similar to the one on the food drop
told mikhail 'i'm not alone' in portuguese.
was perhaps no coincidence that she landed near the cable controlling the submarine beacon.

let's look at the evidence in favor of her being hired by penny:

photo of desnelope
portuguese copy of catch-22, reinforcing connection to portuguese artic crew working for penny.
said 'i am not alone' in portuguese, after she had made the connection with mikhail in italian, so maybe she was just deslusional from the pain and didn't have some weird motive.

we just don't know enough to make any good inference at this point. ryan is completely certain that she's working for charles widmore. at this point i'm leaning towards her not being affiliated with the others/widmore. if she's with the others, she would know good and well where flight 815 actually crashed, and would probably be as well briefed on the flight dossier as the rest of the tribe. it doesn't make sense for her to 'act surprised' and then drop a crazy potentially alternate universe revealing bomb as a lie devised by the others.

naomi is there for something else, possibly desmond, and probably hired by penny, but paid for by penny's dad, charles widmore, whose company is affiliated with dharma, which is maybe why she's got a matching beacon. so she comes with a connection to the others, but isn't actually one of them.

we'll know soon.

sun.

this story was just beautiful. the acting was great, the stakes were simple and clear, and the writing was strong enough to give us a flashback serving an emotional purpose rather than a mythlogical one. elizabeth mitchell. what a coup in casting her. she finds a way to make neutrality compelling. her scene with yunjin kim was heartbreaking. it's so rare to see a scene constructed around simultaneous joy and dread, and here we see it clearly in both actresses. everyone involved has got to be damn proud of that scene.

this episode is the payoff of over a year of buildup. let's look back at how carefully constructed this was.

season 2, episode 5: jae, the potential other father of sun's baby, was introduced as a suitor to sun before she ever met jin.
season 2, episode 16: we learn that sun has been learning english from jae, we see that there is tension between them, but we do not know if they've 'done the deed.' when we learn that jin is infertile and yet sun is pregnant, we infer that she did indeed have an affair with jae, though we never see it. a pretty blah ep that seemed to have no greater consequence.
season 3, episode 2: jae and sun's affair is discovered by her father, which leads to jae's suicide. jin is unaware of the affair.

and then this week's ep, whose suspense is drawn from the entire sun/jin story coupled with the grander pregnancy-peril arc that has been in play since claire was taken in season 1, episode 10. like locke being pushed out the window, this episode has been a long time in the making. but unlike locke, the true weight of this mystery wasn't revealed until juliet's flashback.

which means the writers are giving us many pieces of information that may seem inconsequential, but are actually building on greater mysteries and reveals yet to come.

so i'm going to hold out for a while before i make any further judgements on my least favorite episode so far this season: jack's tattoo episode, which seemed to go nowhere, with a flashback that didn't add much more to the story than incorrectly translated characters on his arm. the finale is going to answer big questions about jack - what happened to him during that week with the others, and probably tell us the missing second half of his story in thailand.

i'm guessing it's also going to be a game-changer, which is why i'm certain that jack is holding on to crucial information, just waiting for his moment to exploit it.

'no survivors'

of course the big kicker was naomi's last sentence. thankfully, she didn'tdie right after saying it, so we'll hopefully get a little more info out of her before she starts screaming in russian for mikhail to shoot her or something. but let's look at some possibilities:

the survivors crossed over to an alternate universe. in the 'real world,' the plane really did crash.
widmore/mittelos/dharma has enough money and influence to stage a wreck to protect the secret of the island.

i'm gonna go with #2. if we were still in season 1, the first option would be very probable, but since the final scene of season 2, we've now seen several instances of crossing back and forth to and from the island. i don't think they're in another dimension. however, it is still possible that the timeline moves differently on the island, and this may have been a factor in widmore/dharma/the other's ability to stage a wreck.

ah but here's another possibility:

naomi is from an alternate future in which desmond stayed at his post and continued pushing the button. it turns out the plane was going to crash anyway, but unaffected by the magnetic anamoly, it ends up nowhere near the island. in this alternate future, penelope is still looking for desmond, and sends naomi.

last week it was the badly photoshopped monk pic. here is my

minor gripe of the week:

juliet stops the recorder and says to ben, 'i hate you.' it's just too obvious, too on the nose. i mean, maybe on heroes, but not on lost. mitchell could easily have said the same thing with only her face. close her eyes for a second, show some doubt in what she's doing, then put the recorder back.

dropped box? oh..

2007-04-23T16:38:00.000-04:00

uh, just felt my first earthquake. it was a little one. it sounded like someone dropped a refrigerator in the next room. my boss came out and said 'did you feel that?'

yep, it was a quake.

about that 'secret..'

2007-04-23T09:46:00.000-04:00

i watched most of 'the secret' video, which i see is now up on youtube. some of it i like, some is just plain common sense, some of it completely lacks common sense, and some of it is infuriatingly awful. that odd confluence has had it lingering in my mind for weeks.

here's what i like/agree with:

positive thinking opens you up for positive things to happen, likewise with negative thinking/negative things.
in order to get what you want, you must be able to express it clearly.

and that's about it. one of the troubles with the 'positive thinking' mantra is that it is not a simple thing to do. emotions cannot be manipulated. our way of expressing them can be habitualized, which i think is really what 'the secret' is trying to get us to do.

there's a catch-22 inherit in the philosophy: it asks us not to focus on the times we don't get what we want (negative things), and to rejoice in the things we do get - so in the end what we're left with is all the times the secret "worked" for us, and we've successfully ignored all the times that it didn't. faithful pursuit of this mantra will result in a 100% 'secret' success rate!

in the video we see a man gay-bashed by thugs, then he subsequently bombs at a comedy club. he uses 'the secret,' and is suddenly treated nicely by would-be attackers and knocks 'em dead at stand-up. here's where the secret begins to get delusional, and we haven't even gotten to the curing cancer part yet.

i'm the first to tout the power of positivity. it's taken years of painful learning for me to see that those who look for problems find them, and those open to opportunity meet it. i believe that it's about adjusting your perspective to an impartial world. must we be willfully delusional? can't we be optimistic realists?

being an optimistic realist means understanding two basic points:

'positive' and 'negative' are subjective concepts.
events that occur outside of human influence are neutral.

what is 'positive' to me, is likely also a negative force encroaching on someone else, somewhere. everyone believes that whatever it is they're doing, they're doing the right thing.

i can't take responsibility for the actions of others, or for events out of my control, and i don't belive that tragedies happen 'for a reason.' the secret would have you belive that you do have control over people and events, that you have some magical special-effects wave-like power that washes over the globe when you make a wish - a power that stops them from doing whatever it is that you would consider 'negative.' if these negative things do happen to you, it's your fault for not wishing it away hard enough.

no amount of positive thinking is going to stop a stupid girl (who is probably using 'the secret' to get to work on time) from making a left turn into my car.

no amount of positive thinking is going to make someone (who is probably using the secret to 'make the world a better place') hell bent on kicking the shit out of a faggot suddenly rethink a lifetime of hatred.

'the secret' isn't going to clear traffic for you to get to work on time, and 'the secret' isn't going to create a traffic jam to delay your boss long enough to finish your report.

---

what is also so disturbing about the 'secret' is how unabashedly materialistic it is. nearly all of the 'wishes' you're encouraged to make involve getting things, getting rich, a new car, a new bike: stuff. it doesn't tackle the basic wish most of us have - 'to find happiness,' because a state of induced happiness is required in order for the secret to work in the first place. 'be happy' it says, 'and you'll get the stuff you want.'

aside from the materialistic aspect, i do agree that expressing what it is you want puts you on the fast track towards getting it. the trouble is, it can be so difficult to figure out what you really want, but once you know, once you really know, (and by really knowing i mean, knowing fundamentally what you want from your life), and if you work towards building good karma, cultivating support from your friends and those around you, it will come.

mamet says that we should train ourselves to speak our aspirations without apology or arrogance. to me, that is the real secret, and i'm still working at it.

lost 3.17 'catch-22' spoilers

2007-04-19T23:51:00.000-04:00

so i wrote an unnecessarily long comment on ryan's blog about this week's episode.. long enough to be my main post here, so i'm gonna copy it over.

i understand how one of the dramatic arcs of this ep centered around just how much power desmond has to change things. it seems to me that if he can't really stop charlie from dying - eventually he will fail, unless he finds an 'out' - then he similarly wouldn't be able to change the identity of the woman who parachuted to the island.

wow. that was a really simple way of saying what took me pages and pages on ryan's blog:

hrm. we need some more rules about what exactly desmond's meddling can't and can't do - i mean in real-time terms.

as an audience we are seeing the story from an outside perspective. occasionaly we will see things distorted, from a character's perspective, like when walt appears, or when characters have visions, but when these things occur, the perspective quickly switches back to third person, and the audience is informed that what we've seen is indeed a 'vision.'

so here's my trouble with desmond 'changing' the woman's identity by saving charlie - he followed his vision all the way, right up to the moment before charlie would have died. the mystery woman had already fallen from the sky, and was already in the tree.

i'm not saying it's impossible that desmond might have changed things, but if that's the case, then i think the storytelling is sloppy. if a change did indeed happen, if the episode was *really* about desmond losing penny because he had to make a sophie's choice, it would have gone this way:

act 1: desmond has a vision of charlie dying, and we -see- him unmask penelope.

act 2: filler

act 3: desmond saves charlie and we get a fancy stylized 'we're seeing inside desmond's head' montage of his visions. dez realizes the picture is changing as it's happening. he knows instantly what he's done, he sits there holding charlie, crushed. he says 'the body's over there,' disinterested. hurly, jin, and charlie rush to it, cut it down. desmond already knows it's not her. he doesn't care who it is. 'it's not her,' he even says, before they take off the mask. he's right. but she looks at him and says 'desmond.'

boom, logo.

that's the 'desmond has the power to change the timeline as we're watching it' telling of the story, but that's not what we got.. instead, dez isn't sure if it's penny at all. he only has an idea of it being her.

because most of the story was told from a third person perspective, it makes me think that desmond is a bit delusional about just how much he can change the timeline. it seems more likely to me that penny was never on the helicopter, and had her portuguese team has been doing all the grunt work from the start. desmond has doubts about saving charlie, but the tone of the episode tells me it wouldn't have mattered either way (from a penelope angle.. it matters to charlie!)

penelope just doesn't seem like someone who'd be jumping out of helicopters anyway. penny is more about getting phone calls in the middle of the night from the people who jump out of helicopters.

for a second i thought the mystery woman was ana lucia and just about had a coronary.

some things i loved about this episode:

sawyer asking jack and juliet, 'arguing over who's your favorite other?'
the ping pong scene
the mix tape
jin's korean ghost story
the revelation of how desmond met penny. scripted simply, and elegantly performed. making us care about this couple is crucial, and so far they've done a great job.

i still believe that jack is on to juliet, playing her own game on her. we'll find out how much he knows in the season finale.

i thought it was interesting that the writers made two deliberate efforts this season to remind us of the cable running into the sea. mikhail mentioned it as powering the submarine beacon in 'enter 77,' and now this reminder that really didn't serve any integral part of the story. the writers could easily have made desmond go to any other locale we haven't seen in a while - rousseau's original hideout, the black rock, the caves (why have we completely abandoned the caves?).. so something important is gonna happen regarding how the submarine was linked to that cable.

other things introduced this season that we shouldn't forget about:

the losties have a satellite phone
the losties have one of the other's walkie talkies (thanks nikki/paolo for the only tangible thing you contributed)
the losties have a van

i'm willing to bet that in ben's flashback, we will see roger alive and well, and see little boy ben riding in that van.

the absolute worst thing about this episode was this embarassingly badly photoshopped pic sitting on the monk's desk:

it's so bad that it makes me wonder if it was worth putting in. it clearly must have been a last minute decision to include it - because none of the three elements in the picture are even close to matching. the shot of the monk looks like a costume/makeup reference photo of the actor, an actor they had on hand and could have lit and posed properly to match ms. hawking. awful. i mean, a very very simple two-click hue adjustment would have at least made them look the same color.

so it means that ms. hawking's peripheral presence in desmond's story is important enough to slap in at the last minute, but not thought through enough to put proper effort into.

while i may be pretty critical of that one slip-up, it's pretty amazing that the standard of the show is reliably high enough to stand up to that level of scrutiny. a bad photoshop prop in heroes? eh, not surprising.

lost 3.16 "one of us" spoilers!

2007-04-12T19:29:00.000-04:00

weeee! here we go!

directed by: jack bender. jack gets all the best episodes. jack runs the show from the hawaii end of the production. jack is responsible for getting all of the other directors on the same page, for defining the visual style that is 'lost.' and he gets all the best episodes because he can pick which ever ones he wants to do. check out this amazing interview with him.

written by: carlton cuse and drew goddard. another example of writing teams being split up this season to work with the show runners. drew goddard has had his hand in some of the best eps of this season, including "the man from tallahassee" and "flashes before your eyes." all in all, a lot of the best people on the show were working on this one.

and it showed. and boy did this one have it all, and boy did it give us some answers! in fact, it maybe gave us too much to chew on: my only lame complaint. i would have been happy not to have seen the final juliet/ben plotting scene until later on, or even not at all - my guess is that juliet is absolutely not going to follow through with ben's ultimate plan, otherwise they would never have shown us that scene. remember michael? we saw his double cross, then we went back and saw how he was coerced to do it. now that we know juliet has been primed to double cross the losties, it's not as dramatically interesting anymore to have her go ahead and follow through. no, we were shown this scene because juliet has her own very specific agenda, which won't become clear until we see ben again.

but i'm jumping ahead. first off, thank you writers for giving sayid the -real- questions we want asked. honestly, i do not care how long it takes them to answer those questions, but what i do care is that the writers address our need to hear them asked. if someone in the story isn't asking the same questions as the audience, it means the writer is behind, the audience is ahead, and becoming more and more frustrated.

(i think this is why 24 just completely dropped off my watch list this year - after they blew up a nuke in episode 4, they failed to deal with the consequences. the story veered into a poorly conceived family drama, that had me yelling 'a nuke just went off! in la! why does any of this matter!?')

this episode was completely thrilling - a great example of how it can be worth sitting through a slower-paced bridging episode to get to the payoff, and what a payoff it was. at last we know a huge part of what -the deal- is with the others, and learning it sets up puhlenty of drama. so women who conceive on the island die? i guess we'd better find out who the father of sun's baby is, huh? that's just fantastic - because now that she could die, she can't hold onto her secret about her affair anymore.

and here's the even creepier aspect - kate and sawyer were intended to mate, in order to give juliet a disposable test subject.

so does ben have some other way off the island? what can he now offer juliet to get her to follow his plan?

what i loved most about it though, was seeing juliet's flashback providing the thread to weave so many things together - ethan, goodwin, the book club, mikhail, the sub, claire's abduction..

according to insiders, we have the following updated flashback order to look forward to:

3.17 Desmond Hume
3.18 Jin & Sun Kwon
3.19 no flashback!
3.20 Benjamin Linus
3.21 Charlie Pace
3.22-23 Jack Shephard

there have been several different rumored flashback lineups - one of which had karen and gerald degroot receiving their own episode (gasp!). but maybe even more shocking is the revelation that episode 19 will have no flashbacks, for the first time ever. i am definitely intrigued, and also quite happy to see that we'll get ben's flashback in that crucial climax episode 20.

and the 2 part finale is jack's. excellent. i think jack is holding onto an ace and is waiting for his moment to play it. or was he brainwashed in room 23?

now that the story has gained momentum, i almost can't believe the season is nearly over, and that we'll be heading into a fourth year of this story. i haven't heard anything about whether damon/carlton have been successful in lobbying abc to set an endpoint for the series, but it feels like we are at least at the halfway point. let us all continue to pray that they get the endpoint they'd like and can tell the story as they have it planned out.

'lost' video podcast

2007-04-12T00:48:00.000-04:00

the latest video podcast is a fantastic look into what goes into scoring an episode of 'lost.' the music is always consistently good - funny how iconic the musical vocabulary of 'lost' is, but you don't realize it until you see a harpist actually play her one note over and over again.

Videopodcast
Uploaded by sawyer840

michael giacchino seems like a really cool guy.

pinkeye

2007-04-11T16:19:00.000-04:00

i had been battling pinkeye for over a week. last week my eyes were so red, itchy, and puffy that i couldn't even function, so i pretty much just slept for three days straight. it's interesting that the two times i've been the most ill in my life have been immediately before and after the four year period that i had health insurance.

after my eyes didn't seem to get any better after three days, i finally went to the doctor where i was prescribed eye drops to put in every two hours. 5 minutes after dropping them in, i could taste metal in the back of my throat, and a strange white film would develop on my tongue. a google search revealed that the substance in these drops is the same stuff used to combat anthrax infection. freakshow. thankfully, after 4 days, it seems to have done the trick.

new toy

2007-04-10T02:02:00.000-04:00

matt and shoko and wren got me a little gift - 'the hatch' playset!! i was like a little kid opening it. awesome!!!!

lost 3.15 'left behind' spoilers!

2007-04-05T18:54:00.003-04:00

here's some things i'm going to start paying attention to when critiquing episodes of 'lost:' who wrote it, and who directed it.

this week was written by damon lindelof and elizabeth sarnoff. damon is of course responsible for the grand arc of the show and co-wrote many of the best episodes. i wonder if there's been a shakeup at 'lost' because of the bad press the show was getting last month. damon and carlton used to only co-write with each other - now they have broken up and are involved in nearly episode as co-writer.

elizabeth sarnoff usually co-writes with christina kim. i think their best episode was last year's 'two for the road,'the climax ep of the season.

'left behind' was directed by karen gaviola, who seems to have directed for just about every show on tv, but has only done one other ep of 'lost,' last year's lackluster 'the whole truth,' in which sun discovers she's pregnant.

like the much maligned 'columbus day' episode of 'the sopranos,' this week's 'lost' was mostly setup to something larger. we are building to the climax episode. a lot of seeds have been planted and the big season plot points are coming in about 5 episodes.

let's look at the show history and the way that a season is plotted out. the season climaxes all happen around episode 20:

season 1: boone dies
season 2: michael shoots ana lucia and libby

so a typical season's 3 act structure is
act I: eps 1-6
act II: eps 7-19
act III: eps 20-24

a detail i find mildly cool is that next week's episode is called 'one of us,' and it deals largely with juliet - last season's episode introducing ben was titled 'one of them.'

so, my reactions to this week's installment:
i thought it was a very good bridging episode, which exists largely to get our favs from one place to another, and to set up conflict once they arrive at their destinations. we have jack returning just as sawyer gets comfortable as the new leader.. and it looks like sayid is going to apply his interrogation techniques to juliet..

the flashback:
unlike some, i really enjoyed the connection between cassidy and kate, and the inherent irony to come in kate's future relationship with sawyer. it was subtle and understated - i'm sure casual viewers (and those who missed the 'previously on lost' segment) never even put together that cassidy was connected to sawyer. a weaker show would have made this glaringly obvious. the seed for this crossover was planted when sawyer sat at the same diner and was served by kate's mom in season 2 ep 13, 'the long con.'

i'm guessing that there is a larger reason for connecting kate to cassidy. at some point soon there will be a scene in which kate discovers she is pregnant, and sawyer will have a second chance with kate to make right the wrongs he did to cassidy (anonymous million dollar donation to his kid aside).

a guess: there was an alterior purpose in the others capturing kate and sawyer - they wanted kate to get pregnant. they put kate in a tiny dress, they let her get out of her cage, and they made no attempt to stop then from doing it - it's like the others masterminded a full scenario for them to artificially fall in love. when ben conned sawyer and took him to the mountaintop it was as if he was egging sawyer to admit he loved kate. we still don't know how all of the fertility/pregnancy/children issues tie together with the others.

other things:

we learned the true purpose of the sonic fence, which was maybe the only bit of real mythology we got this week. seeing it in action was pretty cool though, and nicely set up by the previous episode. course, the question is, why can't smokey just go over it too?

damon/carlton have stated in the podcast that we won't see locke again for 5 more episodes - hello climax episode 20! so whatever is going on with where the others fled to, locke's father, and whatever ben and locke are up to is going to be THE BIG THING that propels us into the season finale.

my guess is that we are going to be shown a bigger piece of the four-toed statue puzzle, and that wherever they are fleeing to has to do with the ancient history of the island.

i just looked at the timeline and the calendar - so far, the entirety of season three has happened in just over two weeks! we will not get to christmas by the end of the season (it's 'currently' december 13th), so it doesn't look like we'll be skipping any days coming up. if the show is looking at a 6 season run, at this pace the show will finish at the end of march, 2005. or there'll be some crazy time thing. in any case, i'm very curious about what they'll do with christmas, as 2004 was the year of the tsunami, though the island is pretty certainly in the pacific, so would probably be unaffected.

further proof of david lynch's genius

2007-04-05T18:54:00.002-04:00

that's better.

2007-04-02T16:57:00.000-04:00

the de-evolution of trajan

2007-04-02T15:03:00.000-04:00

it's been awhile since i've done one of these, but it's been making me crazy!!! what's interesting is that trajan is not so much the font of 'serious movies' anymore, its use has shifted to trashy horror and suspense films in an attempt to cash in on the font's supposed credibility, and to give the picture an artifical sense of gravity.

though trajan is still being used in its traditional role - lame suspense movies. 'perfect stranger' and 'fracture' look like the exact same film.

and these posters are so out of date that they're using the font for its original overuse, dramatic oscar-whore epics:

some thoughts on "LOST"

2007-04-01T02:14:00.000-04:00

i haven't written much about 'lost,' which is a shame because it's my favorite show for many reasons. i'm an ultra, mega, super 'lost' geek of the first order, and it's about time that i join the ranks of the rest of the 'lost' geeks, and write my own responses to each episode rather than just commenting on other's blogs.

before i discuss this week's episode let me point the other losties out there to my favorite websites:

lostpedia - the definitive guide/resource for all details of the show. want to know every time 'the numbers' have been seen or mentioned in the history of the show? want to know how much time passed between locke's time on the marijuana ranch and falling out the window? want to know every single time we've seen 'hot blue striped shirt girl' in a background shot?

lost blog - this sparse blog is well updated with the latest 'lost' news, and maintains a very strict spoiler-free policy. there are also some good discussions in the comments.

ryan mcgee - writes passionate and intelligent responses to each episode. he also does a podcast.i don't always agree with him, but his theories come from informed places.

so, on to business: 3.14, the nikki/paolo episode.

i had a big theory about what this episode was going to be. i was certain that damon and carlton had brought forth minor characters from the background for a big reason. they had never done it before, not like this, not in a way that credits those actors as season regulars.

my big theory was that we would discover that after desmond turned the key, a chain of events was disrupted that caused nikki and paolo to take the place of either shannon/boone, or rose/bernard. when i heard that shannon/boone would be appearing in the episode i became even more hopeful that this would be the case.

but no - the route they chose was much more traditional, and unfortunately, did not reveal any new mythological details. this bothered me at first. i wanted so badly for nikki/paolo to be tied more deeply to what was going on, which would be especially cool if their involvement was peripheral.

early on, what was so irritating about nikki/paolo had nothing to do with the actors playing them - their introduction had been handled so clumsily. they were thrown in, acting like they've always been there, and on top of that, the regular cast is acting like they've always been there too. later, (after fan opinions had set in) they did a little damage control and let sawyer say to them a few times 'who the hell are you?'

but i was a fool. i had deep deep faith in the show writers that the clumsiness of nikki/paolo's introduction was deliberate, and the only explanation for the strangeness of their appearance was a timeshift. the only other way i would buy that they'd been there the whole time would be if they did an entire episode showing us what they've been up to since the beginning.

and that's what we got. the problem was that nikki/paolo's story served no greater purpose other than to bury 2 selfish characters, and for the writers to prove that yes, they did have a plan. i enjoyed the episode as i was watching it, was on the edge of my seat the entire time, but couldn't help feeling a little cold by the end, because what can you say to that but 'wow. so what?'

but as it settles, i'm appreciating it more. i rewatched the crash scene from the pilot to see how nikki was seamlessly worked in. they must have re-built most of that set. someone mentioned that it was like an episode of 'tales from the darkside.' i enjoyed seeing shannon/boone, but was disappointed that their appearances were pretty cartoonish and one-note.

also disapointing was paolo overhearing ben and juliet talking. juliet asks ben how he's going to get jack to do the surgery. ben says 'the same way i always do.' and he should have stopped there. but no, he kept going, explaning his tactics, cheapening his entire character.

i'm torn about the meta aspects of this episode. 'lost' has never been so aware of itself as a tv show before, which i'm not sure is such a good idea. by making nikki a tv actress, specifically a guest star who is killed on the 4th season of a tv show that has kept the bad guy a mystery.. i dunno. it was cute, and i think the goal was to acknowledge the hard core fan base out there, but like ben's line about how he's going to 'find jack's weakness and exploit it,' it cheapened the whole thing just a little bit.

my goodness that was a lot. any other 'lost' fans out there? opinions?

hollywood fire..

2007-03-30T17:26:00.000-04:00

woah.. this just happened.. crazy! the sunlight just turned bright orange from all the smoke. my assistant took the pic. click for larger:

color correction

2007-03-27T14:01:00.000-04:00

i'm editing a very cool little short for chad and celeste's acting reels. it's very much in the style of 'the shield,' and 'nypd blue.'

we shot the first scene on a gorgeous sunday. chad plays a detective, and celeste plays a chinese woman, frantic because her husband has been murdered in the garden.

there are so many little discoveries i'm having as i do more editing. probably these are things that they teach you in film school, but i'm happy to learn through the doing.

i love that viewers are sophisticated enough now that it's no longer taboo to cut to a different take within the same angle. soderberg and von trier do this a lot, and i love the unsettling effect.

a big thing i discovered on this piece, though, is how much color correction can affect the way the scene plays. it's very emotional work for celeste, and i realized that the bright colors were working against her performance. here's the colors as shot:

i turned down the saturation a little, tipped the mids to blue, and it completely changed the scene.

the thing to be careful of is that you don't use the technique in a way that makes the scene redundant. it would be interesting to try on a different piece, if a scene seems too heavy, to bump up the saturation and see what happens.

the big news

2007-03-25T00:51:00.000-04:00

first, thank you so much to everyone who wrote, commented, and emailed me good wishes about both my recent breakup and job interview. i think, rather than this being a 'new chapter,' it feels more apropos to define my time here in tv terms, so: we are now beginning season 2.

i'm newly single, and on friday, gave my notice at work, because holy shit, in 2 weeks i will be starting my new job!

i got the fuckin job. i got the fuckin job, which means a lot of things are about to change.

so second, i have to thank my friend chad, who i owe everything to, for recommending me for this job, for talking me up to his bosses, and for making the whole thing happen - it's thanks to chad and celeste i was able to work a few days as a dishwasher on the cooking shows, and now i must thank them again for essentially making my cross-country dream come true.

so i'll be working as an associate producer on a full season of a half-hour series for an as-yet unlaunched network. i'll be working with the host of the show to brainstorm content, and organize that content into episode outlines. i have so much to learn, a lot to prove, and it's just the beginning.

it's also the first time in my life that my job has been in line with my career, which is maybe the most exciting part of all this.

chapter 2

2007-03-14T01:54:00.000-04:00

this seems to be a week of pages turning; sadly, (but amicably) my romantic relationship with sam has ended. i have a job interview on thursday for something incredibly exciting, and hopefully i'll have great news soon to offset rather disappointing recent developments.

uncanny

2007-03-06T10:17:00.000-05:00

uh, tell me i'm not the only one who's noticed the similarity...

freshman 15

2007-03-05T15:06:00.000-05:00

it's official. my metabolism has slowed down/la is a lazier place than new york. or some combination of the two. i'm not running up 5 flights of stairs and walking 4 avenues daily anymore. and going to the gym means half an hour of trying to find parking. still haven't found the right routine, but now i have to. i'm heaver than i've ever been, and it's not the kind of weight you gain from being at the gym all the time.

my god, for years, years! i ate double meals and drank cement shakes to try and gain weight and here it is. it's seriously time to set new habits.

zodiac

2007-03-04T12:10:00.000-05:00

fincher's new movie is a masterpiece - i decided to read up on the zodiac killer's wikipedia page before seeing the film, which maybe ruined a bit of the suspense, but i was astonished by fincher's respect for the truth of this story, and his attention to detail. and i'm now completely sucked in, as was greysmith, allen, and toschi (played by gyllenhall, downey jr., and ruffalo). i want to read greysmith's book, but in the meantime, most of the case evidence, including all of the zodiac letters and envelopes are available here.

notes from mamet

2007-02-28T16:50:00.000-05:00

damn i'm jealous of the kids in the l.a. atlantic conservatory - they're not only getting this lecture series with mamet, macy, and others, but they're also getting him in their regular classes.

so last night was the mamet class. the man is all charisma, and seems to have an endless supply of energy. one thing is certain - he has a true passion for his beliefs, and loves to teach. he really just couldn't talk fast enough to get out his overflow of ideas. here's some notes:

• analyze the scene like a scientist. be a doctor. a patient comes to the doctor and says 'my foot hurts,' the doctor doesn't say 'but do you like your mother?' leave all that character bullshit behind. it's all distraction, it doesn't help, it's not part of your job. all the necessary details have been provided by the writer.

• theatre is not the province of the intellectual. theatre is the province of the entertainer. juggling is entertaining. learn to do it. learning to analyze juggling is not an entertainment.

• the plot will entertain and engross irrespective of its ability to surprise. this is why we see different productions of the same play - it's not because we're wondering if this time hamlet will live. this is also why the middle school production you saw of peer gynt was better than broadway: because the story got told, and the story was good.

• of a play - do we follow the story absent visual trickery? if not, it's crap. of set and costumes: always ask, are they better than doing the play on a bare stage in street clothes?

• on directors: directors are a construct and are unnecessary. theatre did not begin with directors. there's a story of a guy on a boat grabbing the railings, and he's convincing himself that if he pushes and pulls the railing, he's making the boat sway - that's the director.

• most directors do not direct. they become teachers, schooling the cast on the 'themes,' and the character backstories, which is not directing.

• mamet completely rejects the idea of totalitarian theatre - theatre with a 'purpose,' or that seeks to teach some kind of lesson, ie homophobia is bad, or, black people are people too, or, isn't it awful what was done unto them? it assumes the playwright and/or director is 'better' than the audience.

• totalitarian directors are those who will reject the text as meaningless and take over the role of the writer. - i personally do not find this as much of an affront as mamet does, though it largely describes the many great Crimes Against Shakespeare.

• leaving the text alone, totalitarianists are left to play with the plastic elements of the production - the 'setting.' 'i'm doing 'hamlet,' you'll say, and the first thing the asshole says is 'where are you setting it??' 'in denmark you piece of shit!' re-setting a play invites us to infer a meaning that is neither present nor intended.

when i was at mamet's book signing, there was a girl there - standing in line, who said in a huffy voice 'well, who does he think he is? doe he think he has some sort of monopoly on content?' and i think she did have a bit of a point. but what does she want to do? an all female version of glengarry? a gay version? if you like the play itself, why wouldn't you do it as written? maybe she's never written anything. i shudder to think how terrible a production of 'second' would be if the director made choices that destroy the ambiguities neal and i worked so hard to preserve in the text.

• the definition of modern art is: that which the execution of is inferior to its description. (this reminds me of someone i knew who was in an all male, naked production of macbeth. the description is fine. i don't need to watch it.)

• any director who 'does something interesting with' the text, does not understand the text.

• a good director:
helps the actors understand the mechanics of who wants what from whom.
stages the play to make the relationships between the actors clear.
resists discussion of character and theme, and gets the hell on with it.
follows the first rule of the physician: do no harm.

• someone asked him 'but what if you're asked to show emotion?' and he just about exploded: what we mean when we say to show emotion is to PRETEND. i'm sorry people, but that's it. it's make believe. we can't control our emotions. if we could control our emotions there wouldn't be any psychiatrists, there wouldn't be any sadness, there wouldn't be any anger. it's an impossibility and if you're gonna beat yourself up to try and -feel- something then you are the... (at this point he gestured to the crowd, and all the conservatory kids chimed in unison) SPAWN OF THE DEVIL"

• the play should not be read while sitting around a table at the first rehearsal. it will invaribly suck, and already you've begun rehearsing failure. associate success with the text. figure out the actions first, scene by scene.

• good actors should:
work on your voice
work on your physique
present yourself as a willing applicant to the job. ie, be professional.
memorize without inflection - rehearse correctly and the benefit will show itself: when people see the line come out as it wants to, they will call it talent.
invest in your choice of career.

• when you invest in something you protect it. what's the world's best off-road vehicle? a rented car. make an investment in yourself. feel ownership in your right to be there, doing what you love to do. if you give all of your leisure to something, you'll become an expert at it - so work on the thing you love, dammit!

• have pride in accomplishing a demonstrable skill. no one learns skills anymore. what's at the bottom of the resume? 'special skills?' what's really at the bottom of the resume? "can drive stick." "cockney." these are not skills! learn to juggle, learn anything and have pride in it.

• GOING TO GRADUATE SCHOOL FOR ACTING IS WASTING YOUR MOST VALUABLE ASSET AS AN ACTOR - YOUR YOUTH.

• train yourself to function without security. train yourself to say without apology or arrogance 'i am an actor. i am a writer. i am a director,' whatever it is.

• the person who doesn't give up will have a career.

my first major awards show.. as spectator

2007-02-25T14:35:00.000-05:00

through his work connections, sam got us tickets to the 'film independent's spirit awards' yesterday afternoon. it was a surreal, star studded event, in a giant tent right on the beach. it was very laid back, and probably more fun than the oscars, so there!

it was strange to see so many celebrities in the same place, all duded up, and mingling with each other. i felt like a reporter for extra!, except not talking to anyone.

some observations:

watching an awards show on tv, i never give much thought to the losers - but we happened to be sitting at a table directly behind several nominees - and when their category is being presented, a cameraman and a cord guy are right there, in their faces, ready to catch their reactions. once the winner is announced, the conrol room cuts to the camera at the winner's table - and the camera at the losers table immediately packs up and leaves, cable guy rolling up the cable behind him. which leaves the losers table very quiet indeed. there are shrugs, swigs of drinks, and overall disappointment. when you're at home, you lose sight of the fact that, as the show goes on, the room fills up with losers.

there's a lot of clapping. when you watch on tv, maybe you'll spontaneously clap when your favorite film wins - but when you're actually there, you're compelled to clap during all of those places that you hear the clapping on tv. which is, after every film name is announced, after every actor's name is called, after each acting clip has played, after the winner is announced, after the winner's speech.. it never ends. i had to stop after awhile.

many many of my idols were there, and i didn't say anything. sam and i were talking today, that we should have at least gone up and introduced ourselves to alan ball. he was right there behind us, not really talking to anyone, and we were just too shy. thinking back, we absolutely should have. it was a filtered audience, no riffraff around, and my god, he's the reason i moved here in the first place.

the sexy people really are sexy, but they don't look like themselves. they look like people tho look like celebrities. if that makes sense. you see them and go, wow, that guy looks a lot like toby maguire. oh. hi spidey.

as i push into 32, i can't help but wonder, what is it really that separates me from all of this? what can i do to ingraine myself into this group - the real group to become involved with - the cream of the crop of independent filmmakers? for starters, and ability to introduce myself would help a lot.

oscar prep

2007-02-23T18:35:00.000-05:00

my block is a madhouse today. here's the view from my office:

my film

2007-02-21T13:12:00.000-05:00

so now that it's premiered, on imdb, and is pretty much out there, i'm letting it go to the world... here's 'loaded'

you can see a better resolution version at gryllus glyphics.

back from boulder

2007-02-20T13:43:00.000-05:00

flying into colorado this time was awesome.. we flew directly over the grand canyon, and colorado was covered in fresh snow, with the sun shining bright.

the film festival was a great experience. i learned a lot just by watching so many other films, and was overall really impressed by the quality of the selections. john august gave an excellent screenwriting workshop, and i finally got to meet him afterwards. he was extremely generous, standing in the lobby for an extra 45 minutes, answering each and every audience question.

i was extremely nervous about showing the film, like 'i think this plane is going to crash on the landing' kind of nervous. the drenched in sweat kind of nervous. but people laughed, the response was good, there were a couple questions from the audience, so many friends and family turned out to see it, and it was, as i said before, an overall great experience.

that said, my standards of quality for the next film are much higher. i don't want to be the low budget film that -looks- low budget anymore.

i just signed up for an advanced final cut editing workshop.

i'm also taking an acting class with david mamet himself next tuesday.

submitting 'thanksgiving' to 3 more festivals. i -will- get that movie into a fest.

forward.. forward.. always moving forward...

boulder film fest!

2007-02-16T14:50:00.000-05:00

it's arrived! i'm back at home.. the opening party was very fun, and i'm extremely excited/nervous to see my movie play in the fest's largest venue sunday morning. will 200 people laugh? will it bomb? will mini-dv look unforgivably bad on a giant, giant screen? stay tuned!!

my dad and i did several 'red carpet' interviews last night.. the reporter from the daily camera mixed us up.. still, it's great to get some notice.. here's the article. the colorado daily girl got it right!

notes from macy

2007-02-14T00:39:00.000-05:00

just got back from william h. macy's class at the atlantic. awesome. awesome. awesome. a lot of it was rehash of practical aesthetics week 1, but it's great to hear from the creator's mouth. here's some notes:

• there is no character, only the illusion of character created by the actor, the writer, and the audience.

• you cannot control your emotions, much less 'recall' them. you can only imitate them, which is a lie. what you can control is your -will-.

• you are sufficient. you don't need to be 'better.' you contain all the things you'll need to play any role. you may need to learn incidentals, how to walk in the shoes, but those are externals, and are not acting.

• 'i don't know' is an acceptable answer. also, it's fine, and brave, to just do nothing on stage.

• practice stillness. get comfortable in it.

• use eisenstein's unadorned moment. don't 'say' anything with what you do. just do it. let the audience glean what it means.

• the arc of the character is not your concern. play each scene like it is the only scene in the play.

• do the role. don't 'do something with it.' don't say 'it's a small part but i can do something with it.' understand the writer's intent, and fulfill it. just do the role.

• directing plays is one week of discovery and three weeks of babysitting.

• need to cry? fake it! the scene is never about your ability to cry. put your hands over your face! no one cares! the audience wants to know the story, not watch you try to work up real tears.

my pitch for stardom

2007-02-13T13:16:00.000-05:00

i dunno. maybe i undersell myself. maybe i don't give a good enough idea of who i am or what i can do. eh, who cares. do i really want to be on a reality show anyway??

it was fun to clean up requiem 3 in final cut though. amazing how much you can fix bad lighting!

how to tell me apart from my dad

2007-02-12T13:09:00.001-05:00

we have different middle names.

so close yet so far

2007-02-11T15:28:00.000-05:00

yesterday sam and i had a nice dinner with some of his friends at a new restaurant in santa monica called rustic canyon. as we were leaving, jj abrams and his wife were arriving, handing the car keys over to the valet. one day.. one day jj will be like 'hey joe, what's good on the menu? oh, and what should happen in the 5th season of lost?'

i'm working the required personal intro to my submission for 'on the lot.' i can't believe i'm applying to a reality show. recording footage of myself, it's sadly aparent how i might appear on tv. i pause a lot when i speak. i 'um' a lot. i jerk my head around. i speak in a very, um, forced manner. i seem like an asshole. maybe i can pitch myself as a really really annoying villian character. it feels soo skeezy to even be applying for a reality show, especially one on FOX. i imagine myself horrifically falling into every reality show contestant cliche - crying. i think that's my biggest fear is that i will cry, that i will sob uncontrollably when i am booted. i think my strategy will be to edit my mistakes together in one deeply humiliating clip, rather than the tempting approach, made up of my good takes.

imdb!

2007-02-09T01:24:00.000-05:00

loaded has been listed! woohoo!

gatorville, google, mamet, macy

2007-02-08T17:19:00.000-05:00

gatorville---

i spent the weekend back in gainesville florida, home of the 'inferno period:' the formitive years of my life, a time of unmatched intensity. before florida, i had never really known meanings to the words love, hate, cruelty, happiness, betrayal, elation - basically every extreme: went through it.

so it was a touch bittersweet to return. i hadn't been back since i sped away 6 years ago in my uhaul truck, back tires squealing towards new york (a day later i drove that uhaul off an icy bridge in pennsylvania - yay for new beginnings!).

i guess the maxim for existence is that "everything changes, and everything stays the same." it was so strange to see these old streets, my old apartment complex, the strip malls, the bars that had been the set decoration for a wholly disinteresting, melodramatic film starring an overwrought joe larue.

in any case, despite the bittersweet aspects, the trip was an overall wonderful experience, and a joy to see neal's play up on stage. i enjoyed meeting the current graduate students, and empathizing deeply with their struggles.

it was while watching neal's play that i had my first twinge of real regret about leaving. i had done a lot of work on this show, and here it was, poised to make the next big step, and i had essentialy abandoned it - and my theatre company.

there's a difference between regret and doubt. i still do not doubt that i made the best, healthiest choice i could have. but i do regret that i wasn't able to make more happen for the show while i was still in new york.

but all of this has emboldened my quest to get a movie version of 'second' made.

google--

on monday david invited me to a google 'hollywood party' in which they redressed their santa monica headquarters as an upscale hollywood club, and invited 4 distinguished writer/directors to speak about their creative process and the impact technology has had on their art.

the speakers were craig brewer (HUSTLE AND FLOW, BLACK SNAKE MOAN), lauren greenfield (THIN, GIRL CULTURE), ted griffin (MATCHSTICK MEN, OCEANS 11) and jim uhls (FIGHT CLUB, SEMPER FI).

it was kind of a staggering event - open bar, amazing passed around hors deurves, shuttle buses from the office to the movie theatre where the talk was, multicamera setup with a crane over the audience (presumably to broadcast the panel on the google cable channel) incredible gourmet desserts served at the theatre, gift bags with cool tshirts..

of course it's nothing compared to the party david's been at this week - the next day the entire west coast office was flown out for two days of skiing and unimaginably huge parties. i asked him 'so do you have to go to meetings or conferences too?' his reply: 'nope!' google is amazing. they truly cultivate a work hard/play hard atmosphere.

mamet---

tuesday night i went to a david mamet book reading and signing for his new book 'bambi vs. godzilla: on the nature, purpose, and practice of the movie business.' he read a chapter from the book, then took questions for an hour.

i realized that i've never actually seen mamet speak. i've read all of his theoretical books, nearly all his plays, and yet i've had no real idea of what his literal voice sounds like. it sounds like a chicago taxi driver. it makes a lot of sense that his early plays revolve around capital G guys, because he is so clearly a capital G, 'scuse me toots' kinda guy. reading 'true and false,' i picture an academic - but the reality is that mamet himself is an absolute no-nonsense guy. his acting technique is called 'practical aesthetics,' because that's exactly what he is: practical. he wants to get it done. quickly, efficiently, and with no bullshit.

he's also hilarious. he railed against 'sense memory' as a relic of freudian-derived misinterpretation compounded with communist-era hype, and thus passed on incorrectly through the ages and trickled down into every bad acting class in history. the crowd cheered. he signed my book and i told him 'true and false changed my life.' i don't think he really actually heard me. he was on to the next book. ah well. i'll meet him again, for real one day.

macy--

so i just signed up to take a master class with william h. macy, through the atlantic theatre school's LA program. it's next tuesday. the man, with mamet, invented practical aesthetics. cannot wait.

requiem 6!

2007-02-07T17:41:00.000-05:00

finally! finally! it's done!

here is the youtube version - i would greatly appreciate high ratings and comments!

and if you love the youtube version, here is the better resolution version.

boulder film fest

2007-01-26T10:29:00.000-05:00

the schedule has been announced!

unfortunately we were moved from the friday night shorts to the sunday morning shorts. not the greatest time slot, but whatever. i'm just happy to be able to put up something besides being a body model for grand theft auto on imdb. i'm also very excited that john august will be running a screenwriting workshop just after the sunday shorts.. john.. i hear you need a new assistant...

get your tickets here!

illusion

2007-01-23T16:31:00.000-05:00

went to the magritte exhibit at lacma this weekend. absolutely fantastic.

in a similar vein, on the way to work the other day, i passed a parking lot in which a film crew had built a false roof of a house, with a blue screen behind it. no idea what it could have been for..

sunset, and new year

2007-01-16T15:30:00.000-05:00

i think it's time for a real new years post. i took this the other night before hitting the highway home. sometimes, the sunsets out here are just stunning.

what was my 2006? it was deep, deep discontent, depression, then resolve to create change. it was a drive across the country, and a leap into the unknown. it was learning to edit, getting accepted to a film festival, and washing dishes backstage at a cooking show. it was reconnecting with old friends, finding a new home, a boyfriend, new friends, and a creative job.

been thinking a lot about what i want to accomplish this year - been a bit conflicted about where i'm heading professionally. the truth is, i enjoy doing design work, and i've done it as a side business since my sophomore year in college. it feels truly great to really be doing it, like, not just "pretend" doing it - meeting with clients, working on the project, and sending them home happy. i've fallen into a job situation that is shaky, but holds the potential to develop into practically anything i can muster the energy to create, which, when it's not driving me crazy is pretty exciting.

and so i'm staying for the time being. i have a great assistant, edward, and we're working together to make the design wing of this business a success. it feels good to be busy, and once i get a little more settled into this situation, i intend to pile on the extra-curricular projects, as i always have.

in may, i'm taking the second level final cut classes, and in the fall, i will continue my acting education with the atlantic theatre company - finally offering their classes in LA!

i also just got a new baby - 17" macbook pro. it is a beautiful, beautiful thing. i'm very very poor once again, but this thing is so worth it. it will pay for itself in no time. it's so exciting to have a machine with enough capacity to actually hold movie files, as well as having the RAM to edit swiftly. it's a powerful, powerful tool.

february is gonna be a great month: going back to florida to see the opening of neal's play 'american western' at our grad acting program at UF. it's an amazing play, and i hope to direct a future production. then for a few days it's back to boulder for the boulder international film festival. my short is screening on friday, which is good - i get to relax and go to parties and films for the rest of the fest!

one of my goals for year is to direct another short film - with a full crew, and this time, in HD. i want it to be top quality.

i will also complete the adaptation of neal's play 'second' for film. it will be amazing. it will be our 'magnolia.'

my other goal is to continue to practice my biggest lessons of 2006:
freedom comes from confronting fear
start from where you're at, and any goal is achievable

i'm really excited about this year. i've settled into the landing, and am crouched and ready to spring back into action.

the awesome/terrifying cat episode

2007-01-03T19:36:00.000-05:00

so on the morning of new year's eve, i went to celeste and chad's house because they asked me to feed their cats while they were away.

i went in through their back door, pushed it shut, and went into the other room to deal with litterbox stuff.

i heard the door creak from the wind. i turned around, and there were both cats, standing in the open doorway, looking at me as if to say 'who the fuck are you anyway? you're not our mom. see ya.'

a slow motion 'nooooo!' escaped my mouth as one cat ran back into the house, and the other darted out the door, around the corner, and out of sight.

is there anything, anything worse than losing (or killing) a best friend's pet? pets are children. i lost their child. i fucking lost their child. they will never forgive me.

it was an excruciating, guilt ridden day. how quickly and easily the order of our lives can be thrown into disarray. am i so fucking fragile? i reached celeste, who direfully informed me that she had never been out for longer than a couple minutes. every passing second, i had this vision of the city exponentially expanding, the places to hide multiplying, like zooming out in google earth, the camera pulling back further and further, any chance of recovery becoming more and more unlikely.

i was in a panic, walking up and down the street, calling for her, holding out food, shaking the food bag, shaking the food cup, putting up signs, interviewing the neighbors. finally, at celeste's suggestion, i had to give up, put the other cat in the bedroom with the door closed, and wait inside with food out and all the doors open, hoping she would decide to come home.

sam came over, comforted me, searched with me, and brought warm clothes so i could stay in the cold living room with the doors open all night if i had to. we were in the middle of a six feet under marathon, so we bundled up, ordered pizza, and popped the dvd in.

after a couple hours sam grabbed my arm. a cat was poking its head in the back door. the wrong cat. great. back to the show.

and like magic, eight hours after the start of the whole ordeal, she was suddenly standing there in front of the tv, looking at us, as if to say '...what??'

sam shouted 'back door! back door!' as he lept up and slammed the front door shut. the cat freaked out and hid under the couch as i slammed the back door. and like that, equilibrium was restored to the universe. what relief. goddamed cat ruined and saved my year all in one day.

btw: you get some seriously funny shit when you google 'evil cat'

home for xmas

2006-12-26T15:54:00.000-05:00

deathly hallows!

2006-12-21T10:20:00.000-05:00

if you don't know what "deathly hallows" is yet.. you'll be hearing it ad neauseum for the next three years, guaranteed.

chad & celeste

2006-12-19T16:13:00.000-05:00

celeste wanted a holiday pic to give her family, and had me take an impromptu photo.. here's the result..

oh, and here's another pic from my office!!! yeeee

my new office..

2006-12-18T13:42:00.000-05:00

so i've been promoted.. they moved me up to the 11th floor of our building. the 11th floor is a circular room at the top of the building's tower. the entire room/floor is my office. i'm also hiring a designer to assist me on these various projects.

i sit behind the gargoyles.

i can take a break and step onto the balcony, where i can see all of los angeles, all the way to the ocean.

it's awesome. it's mostly ideal - i mean, i can actually start making actual money doing things that are actually creative! but, i didn't move here to be a graphic designer. i have to perform a very delicate balancing act. i want to excel at this job, while keeping my focus and direction on a film career.

random photoshoot

2006-12-15T17:45:00.000-05:00

well here's one of the lovely things about working on hollywood blvd - random shoots. i have no idea what this is for, but it certainly drew a crowd..

happy outer space holiday

2006-12-13T18:29:00.000-05:00

this is in the middle of hollywood, across the street from my office. i have to pass it every day. they pump out 'rudolph the red nosed reindeer' at waco smoke-out levels.

burst of hits..

2006-12-06T15:31:00.000-05:00

hah.. waaay way way back when, i wrote some things about jennifer hudson, and how excited i was that she had been cast as effie.. well, now that the movie is out, and she rocks it, my google hits have quadrupled. welcome husdon fans!

hi!

2006-12-06T14:34:00.000-05:00

first, i want to say a big thank you to everyone who's left such nice comments, sunny, jen b, jenni, sunny, marisssa, and lurker lefty scissors, who left me the nicest message. you made my day, really! thank you so much.

my dad's former student, john august's directorial debut is premiering at sundance! i sent him a congratulatory note, also pimping my own film festival acceptance heheheh.. he said that he's going to the boulder film fest this year, so he'll meet me there! ..and he'll likely see my short... fuuuck. i have to make it fucking perfect. i mean, i should feel that pressure anyway, right? for it to be the best thing i could possibly produce? i guess it's like rehearsing a show, and then hearing right before the curtain goes up that some big person is sitting in the audience. i gotta polish that puppy up.

oh, i want to put a couple things out there:

1. my friend chris just moved to la, and promptly got his car broken into and his brand new macbook pro stolen. if he had undercover, he'd probably have it back by now. i've since installed it on my machine.. the thought of losing my computer.. it's paralyzing.

2. also, after just having gone through this car accident bullshit, here's a few things to take note of before leaving the scene of the accident. all i had to go on was what it says on the back of my insurance card, which didn't cover all the things i needed to know when it came time to make a million recorded statements for both insurance companies:

• the exact location of the accident. it sounds stupid, but i didn't even think to look at what the precise intersection was. it basically occurred on a side street, and i knew the main street, but i just sounded stupid when i couldn't tell them precisely where it was later.

• know where the damage is on their car. it didn't say this on my insurance card, but it's good to know. you'll be asked again and again.

• if anyone has anything useful to offer, get their contact info. a tow truck driver parked near us, and spoke to the girl who hit me, later he came up to me and said 'she admitted fault, she said she made a left turn right into you.' i thought, 'great, this will be easy then!' but of course, i didn't think to get the driver's contact information should i need him to be a witness. since both of our cars were drivable, he took off.

fortunately, the facts of the case are pretty clear cut, and i've been assured by her insurance company that they will cover 100% of the damages (damages which will cost more than what i paid for the car in the first place!), but had it not been so clear cut, it could have helped immensely if i'd been a little savvier at the scene.

secret of comedy

2006-12-02T12:34:00.000-05:00

music video

2006-11-30T16:14:00.000-05:00

so here's a music video i directed just before i left the city, and recently finished editing on final cut.. enjoy!

i just had this exchange, spelling out an email address for, uh, someone.

me: it's blah blah blah dot biz.
her: it's dot what?
me: biz.
her: fizz?
me: biz. B - I - Z.
her: wait. (gets pen) ok.
me: "B"
her: "D"? as in dog?
me: no. "B." "B" as in blue.
her: ohhhhh.
me: B - I -
her: "I" as in "C?"

pause

me: uh.

what do you even do with that? 'i' as in 'C'? do you mean 'eye' as in 'see'? are you fucking kidding me? are you ancient egyptian or a developer of dingbat fonts? are you retarded?

i just spelled it again really fast. and pretended i didn't hear her.

btw: dreamgirls was fantastic.

crash

2006-11-28T13:27:00.000-05:00

lots of pics. went up the coast for tday.. saw matt, shoko, and wren..

this store was in carmel. i nearly died.

this pepper nearly took down the whole party.

in other news, on my way to work monday, a girl coming the opposite direction took a left turn directly into r2. definitely not the best way to start the week. everyone's fine, except for the impact points on both our cars. soo totally her fault. here's hoping the insurance companies agree on that. it's only my second accident ever - and both times, everything just slows down long enough for you to wish for the day you hoped to have, the uneventful one you were kind of dreading, but now realize would be blissful to have back.

awesome news!

2006-11-22T16:47:00.000-05:00

the short i did with my dad, 'loaded,' has been accepted to the boulder film festival! woohoo! it's february 15-18.. anyone in boulder to come see it?

here i am getting the second to last shot..

the awesome/terrifying freedom

a visual representation of my movie watching

inspiration

the couch

the curious trajanization of benjamin button

an attempt at film literacy *update*

recasting

buddy

tackiest gift in the world: guest edition

tackiest gift in the world: paris round 2

idea: punish mediocrity

the year in movies

a great reason to stop using trajan

stating the dream

sonnets 5 & 6

"he wants to make sure you enjoy him."

wedding pics - the video

and now, thirty two.

anne & max's wedding

place de la concorde

day 3

paris

long beach.. and long island

fun stuff, and great news

the hollywood party, or, "yes that's my car"

the procreation sonnets

heath and michelle

paul greengrass

another year, another project

back to boyhood weekend

letting go of inhibiting perfectionism

yet still more excellent news

not a tourist

we have premiered

you can stop the beat. you can stop it dead.

bird vs. bay: character vs. characterization

imdb!

yay dad!

dr. manhattan

i'm all over this country

the open road

lost 3.22 'through the looking glass' *spoilers*

lost recap coming

more great news

lost 3.21 'greatest hits' *spoilers*

lost 3.20 'the man behind the curtain' *spoilers*

big news

lost to announce end date!

lost 3.19 'the brig' *spoilers*

vincent

a fun game

lost 3.18 'd.o.c.' *spoilers*

dropped box? oh..

about that 'secret..'

lost 3.17 'catch-22' *spoilers*

lost 3.16 "one of us" *spoilers!*

'lost' video podcast

pinkeye

new toy

lost 3.15 'left behind' *spoilers!*

further proof of david lynch's genius

that's better.

the de-evolution of trajan

some thoughts on "LOST"

hollywood fire..

color correction

the big news

chapter 2

uncanny

freshman 15

zodiac

notes from mamet

my first major awards show.. as spectator

oscar prep

my film

back from boulder

boulder film fest!

notes from macy

my pitch for stardom

how to tell me apart from my dad

an attempt at film literacy update

lost 3.22 'through the looking glass' spoilers

lost 3.21 'greatest hits' spoilers

lost 3.20 'the man behind the curtain' spoilers

lost 3.19 'the brig' spoilers

lost 3.18 'd.o.c.' spoilers

lost 3.17 'catch-22' spoilers

lost 3.16 "one of us" spoilers!

lost 3.15 'left behind' spoilers!