the awesome/terrifying freedom

saw 'wicked' last night, which i quite enjoyed.

after the show, decided to walk through times square in the rain, which was interesting. all new billboards. same tourists. what i've always loved about times square in the rain is the walls of light reflecting on wet sidewalks.



you can spot a tourist from a mile away because they are all wearing visor hats and light jeans.

i remembered my first time walking through times square, on my way to work and thinking with such elation 'holy shit, new york city! this is where i live!'

and now four year later i walk through and think 'holy shit. this is not new york, and this is not where i live.' and i have some slight contempt for these tourists who are really getting no real experience of new york at all, that girl with the church camp t-shirt who's taking a picture of the planet hollywood sign and using her flash. i want to scream so many things at her.

WHY ARE YOU TAKING A PICTURE OF A CHAIN RESTAURANT? IS THIS THE EVIDENCE OF YOUR TRIP? A RESTAURANT THAT IS PROBABLY IN YOUR HOMETOWN? IS THIS A PICTURE THAT YOU'RE GOING TO UPLOAD ON OPHOTO AND EXPECT ALL YOUR FRIENDS TO DOWNLOAD? YOU'RE GOING TO SHOW A PICTURE OF THIS AND SAY 'I WAS IN NEW YORK'? WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU ARE NOT IN NEW YORK, AND YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT. AND DO YOU HONESTLY EXPECT THAT PIDDLING FLASH TO FILL A SIGN TWENTY FEET AWAY?

meanwhile i'm hunched down taking a goddamned picture of a puddle. i really did want to yell at her. i wanted to become 'that new york guy' and give her a story to tell all her friends. it'd be more of a memory than a picture of a sign. there's a weird power in times square. just knowing which way is north puts you above the majority of the crowd.

buildings are cool. especially taken out of their 'buildingness' context and looked at as sculpture.






sometimes i'm walking down the street and i have this amazingly great feeling - this feeling like the movie i'm in is ending, and the hero (me) may not have won the battle, but has newfound resolve, the lessons have been learned, and he's ready to tackle the next big thing, whatever it may be, stay tuned for the sequel. and i'm walking down the street, feeling tall, hotter than ever, maybe even a little imposing, and some soundtrack-worthy song is blasting in my ears, marking each confident stride, and i can feel the camera as it follows behind me, then stays put as i walk into that vanishing point where all parallel lines on the street point, as i shrink into the crowd, just one of millions of people (maybe all feeing the exact same thing at that moment), and the camera cranes upward, behind a tree branch with a blossom on it, fade out, roll credits.







it's not fair to get a movie-ending moment and then have to go on with the rest of your life.