the awesome/terrifying freedom

out here, somewhere, figuring it all out.

sonnets 5 & 6

these two are a pair, so i redid #5 to match my reading of #6. plus, i'm prety unhapy with my original reading of 5. i'm much better at being honest in a manic way than in a still, quiet way. need to keep working on that.

"he wants to make sure you enjoy him."

sam took me out to dinner for my birthday at the hump, where we were served an amazing 8 course japanese meal. the piece de resistance was the lobster. lobster sashimi was served in the shell of the tail, and next to that was charlie's entire upper half, still alive, legs and antennae still moving, watching us snack on his raw tail. sam was a little disturbed. i thought it was super cool.

wedding pics - the video

and now, thirty two.

i thought i'd take a look at years past.


wow, i've been blogging for a long time. thirty-one was a great, unpredictable, mind-blowing year. here's what i wrote at 28:

last friday i turned 28. twenty fuckin eight. and i sit behind a desk making less money than marissa who sits in the neighboring cubicle and who just turned 24. what the hell am i doing? am i just insane for trying to pursue something that will never, no matter how far or high i climb, be stable?

i guess i'm hitting that age where time suddenly seems to speed up, where the path of my life seems visible in the distance, where the choices seem to narrow, where it becomes more and more difficult to switch tracks. part of that is comforting - that i'm working with a theatre company, that i've achieved certain steps towards an acting career - but the sitting in a cubicle part doesn't sit well with me. how much longer can i do this? surely i possess more valuable skills? don't i? don't i?

i have to keep reminding myself never to allow things to progress to the point where i am this unhappy ever again.

those photos at 29 were taken in the hole in the wall office of the hole in the wall theatre i used to work at (in addition to my full time job) in nyc. dana and mike were nice enough to come by during my hours and bring a little cake. at that point, i was coasting, and on the downslope. that entire year would be frought with disappointment, idleness, and frustration. and then six feet under would end, i would turn 30, and a new path would finally become clear.

32 rivaled 30 in terms of birthday noteriety. 30 saw my first trip to la, and my first tattoo. 32 saw my first trip to paris, and my best friend's wedding. this past year has also been defined by film festivals, an amazing boyfriend who became a best friend, roommates who've become best (& better) friends, two creative jobs, and the return of possibility, potential and positivity (god, i sound like tony robbins now) to my life. had a lovely party saturday night, where i served an assortment of french cheeses i bought at the paris airport. neal also got me this awesome gift:

it was damn good. here's to keeping 32 on the upswing..

anne & max's wedding

the weekend was too emotional to blog about with any sense of justice. so, here's my favorite photos.

all the americans stayed at 'the gite' in pont de pany, just outside of dijon

on friday night - a crepes party, where we met max and anne's extended family, and where all of max's american friends convened.

the next morning was the wedding. first, the civil ceremony, which was lighthearted and informal (even though it was presided over by a very official looking guy).

after the civil service, the wedding party filed into the street, congratulations all around, then walked into a sunlit courtyard for photos.

and then we walked down 'rue de la chouette,' to the church. along the way, we would touch the magical owl (la chouette), carved into the side of the church, and make a wish. (don't look at the owl while making your wish, however)

we approached the street, then turned to the left, and there was the church, which had been completely hidden from view. i had to stop and catch my breath.

the guests filed into the church. max and anne hung out outside, waiting to process in..

and it was time to enter..

max's sister christy sang a beautiful song from 'the baker's wife.'

sadly, the light was too low to take any good closeups. i wasn't about to start firing the flash. max had trouble getting through the vows, he was so choked up. everyone was. it was honest, heartfelt, and beautiful.

see the full set of photos here.

trevor had a great idea: lets make photoshopped pics of our decapitated heads on the spot where marie antoinette and louis lost theirs!

day 3

the subway is pretty much the same as new york's. really, it's like the west village and soho exploded into an entire city, except with actual history.


the view from max's balcony:

from two days of wandering..

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  • 5: the man of genius

  • 4: blunders & absurdities

  • 3: conservative after dinner

  • 2: what lies below

  • 1: where there is no path

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