the awesome/terrifying freedom

i thought i'd take a look at years past.

28
29
30
31

wow, i've been blogging for a long time. thirty-one was a great, unpredictable, mind-blowing year. here's what i wrote at 28:

last friday i turned 28. twenty fuckin eight. and i sit behind a desk making less money than marissa who sits in the neighboring cubicle and who just turned 24. what the hell am i doing? am i just insane for trying to pursue something that will never, no matter how far or high i climb, be stable?

i guess i'm hitting that age where time suddenly seems to speed up, where the path of my life seems visible in the distance, where the choices seem to narrow, where it becomes more and more difficult to switch tracks. part of that is comforting - that i'm working with a theatre company, that i've achieved certain steps towards an acting career - but the sitting in a cubicle part doesn't sit well with me. how much longer can i do this? surely i possess more valuable skills? don't i? don't i?

i have to keep reminding myself never to allow things to progress to the point where i am this unhappy ever again.

those photos at 29 were taken in the hole in the wall office of the hole in the wall theatre i used to work at (in addition to my full time job) in nyc. dana and mike were nice enough to come by during my hours and bring a little cake. at that point, i was coasting, and on the downslope. that entire year would be frought with disappointment, idleness, and frustration. and then six feet under would end, i would turn 30, and a new path would finally become clear.

32 rivaled 30 in terms of birthday noteriety. 30 saw my first trip to la, and my first tattoo. 32 saw my first trip to paris, and my best friend's wedding. this past year has also been defined by film festivals, an amazing boyfriend who became a best friend, roommates who've become best (& better) friends, two creative jobs, and the return of possibility, potential and positivity (god, i sound like tony robbins now) to my life. had a lovely party saturday night, where i served an assortment of french cheeses i bought at the paris airport. neal also got me this awesome gift:



it was damn good. here's to keeping 32 on the upswing..