the awesome/terrifying freedom

what a difference a few trips to the gym makes. it seems to me that there are certain band wagons you are either on or off - no inbetween. one of these is personal health. there is the me that sits on the couch every night, feeling awful and staying up too late doing nothing, which of course makes me less motivated the next day, more weary, more self loathing.

and then there is the me that actually goes to the gym, takes care of things, is in great shape, goes to the gym because it feels great to get into even better shape, and holy cow, i can't believe i'm actually looking better than i ever have, and just a few months ago i was blaming the march of time and thought it would never be possible and wowzers this feels so good, how did i let myself get so completely bogged down?

the ball is starting to roll for our fall production.. it's very exciting. something else to sink my teeth into. something to do after work instead of coming directly home and turning into a vegetable.

in other news, i've been listening to a couple tracks (illegally downloaded, thank you) from george michael's new album, 'patience.' i like them, especially 'my mother had a brother,' which is quite haunting. the song is about how george's gay uncle committed suicide on the same day he was born. george comes to the conclusion that it's his responsibility to live the gayest life he can in memory of his uncle who was too afraid and persecuted to do so himself. then the song takes a bit of an unexpected turn:

And I swear now that freedom is here
I'm gonna taste it all for you boy
I'm bad to the bone, I'm just a little torn
I'm making so much love

So those of us who have nothing to fear
We've got to make damn sure that it was worth it
I'm bad to the bone, I'm just a little stoned
I'm making so much love

so for george, being out and proud means smoking up and goin down. good for george. i guess that whole period of denial released itself in explosive ways. look for a similar revelation from clay aiken in ten years.