the awesome/terrifying freedom

oh yeah and.

sunday i was driving to my dear friend laura's house. it's a beautiful drive, the most beautiful drive in colorado, and i was screaming my head off singing to the radio and john mayer comes on.

'i just can't wait til my ten year reunion
i'm gonna bust down the double doors
and when i stand on these tables before you
you will know what all this time was for.'

and i just kind of stopped singing and got real quiet for a minute. what the hell does that mean? he's gonna show up at his reunion only to say 'fuck y'all, i'm famous now'? only to say 'the way i chose to spend the last ten years is more valid than than the way all the rest of y'alls did'?

hearing those lyrics the day after the reunion really made me think. my first thought was 'fuck you john mayer. just because you have noteriety and name recognition are all the rest of us supposed to be honored that you decided to show up to your reunion?' then i thought about it some more. who doesn't want to walk into their reunion a huge fuckin mega star? i certainly wanted that, but as life ground onward and it became clear that i was not going to be a mega star, merely one of many many people in my class who would spend our lives pursing a goal, maybe not the goal we'd initially planned on pursuing, but the journey toward it has led us to be content in their lives. how sappy is that? have i become complacent? no. i still want to be a mega star. but that's for me. not so i can dance on tables in front of jocks i used to hate. or want to date.

and anyway, should his career follow its present course, mr. mayer will have the esteemed honor of standing on tables at his reunion as a briefly celebrated has-been.