the awesome/terrifying freedom

so on the morning of new year's eve, i went to celeste and chad's house because they asked me to feed their cats while they were away.

i went in through their back door, pushed it shut, and went into the other room to deal with litterbox stuff.

i heard the door creak from the wind. i turned around, and there were both cats, standing in the open doorway, looking at me as if to say 'who the fuck are you anyway? you're not our mom. see ya.'

a slow motion 'nooooo!' escaped my mouth as one cat ran back into the house, and the other darted out the door, around the corner, and out of sight.

is there anything, anything worse than losing (or killing) a best friend's pet? pets are children. i lost their child. i fucking lost their child. they will never forgive me.

it was an excruciating, guilt ridden day. how quickly and easily the order of our lives can be thrown into disarray. am i so fucking fragile? i reached celeste, who direfully informed me that she had never been out for longer than a couple minutes. every passing second, i had this vision of the city exponentially expanding, the places to hide multiplying, like zooming out in google earth, the camera pulling back further and further, any chance of recovery becoming more and more unlikely.

i was in a panic, walking up and down the street, calling for her, holding out food, shaking the food bag, shaking the food cup, putting up signs, interviewing the neighbors. finally, at celeste's suggestion, i had to give up, put the other cat in the bedroom with the door closed, and wait inside with food out and all the doors open, hoping she would decide to come home.

sam came over, comforted me, searched with me, and brought warm clothes so i could stay in the cold living room with the doors open all night if i had to. we were in the middle of a six feet under marathon, so we bundled up, ordered pizza, and popped the dvd in.

after a couple hours sam grabbed my arm. a cat was poking its head in the back door. the wrong cat. great. back to the show.

and like magic, eight hours after the start of the whole ordeal, she was suddenly standing there in front of the tv, looking at us, as if to say '...what??'

sam shouted 'back door! back door!' as he lept up and slammed the front door shut. the cat freaked out and hid under the couch as i slammed the back door. and like that, equilibrium was restored to the universe. what relief. goddamed cat ruined and saved my year all in one day.

btw: you get some seriously funny shit when you google 'evil cat'