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the awesome/terrifying cat episode


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so on the morning of new year's eve, i went to celeste and chad's house because they asked me to feed their cats while they were away.

i went in through their back door, pushed it shut, and went into the other room to deal with litterbox stuff.

i heard the door creak from the wind. i turned around, and there were both cats, standing in the open doorway, looking at me as if to say 'who the fuck are you anyway? you're not our mom. see ya.'

a slow motion 'nooooo!' escaped my mouth as one cat ran back into the house, and the other darted out the door, around the corner, and out of sight.

is there anything, anything worse than losing (or killing) a best friend's pet? pets are children. i lost their child. i fucking lost their child. they will never forgive me.

it was an excruciating, guilt ridden day. how quickly and easily the order of our lives can be thrown into disarray. am i so fucking fragile? i reached celeste, who direfully informed me that she had never been out for longer than a couple minutes. every passing second, i had this vision of the city exponentially expanding, the places to hide multiplying, like zooming out in google earth, the camera pulling back further and further, any chance of recovery becoming more and more unlikely.

i was in a panic, walking up and down the street, calling for her, holding out food, shaking the food bag, shaking the food cup, putting up signs, interviewing the neighbors. finally, at celeste's suggestion, i had to give up, put the other cat in the bedroom with the door closed, and wait inside with food out and all the doors open, hoping she would decide to come home.

sam came over, comforted me, searched with me, and brought warm clothes so i could stay in the cold living room with the doors open all night if i had to. we were in the middle of a six feet under marathon, so we bundled up, ordered pizza, and popped the dvd in.

after a couple hours sam grabbed my arm. a cat was poking its head in the back door. the wrong cat. great. back to the show.

and like magic, eight hours after the start of the whole ordeal, she was suddenly standing there in front of the tv, looking at us, as if to say '...what??'

sam shouted 'back door! back door!' as he lept up and slammed the front door shut. the cat freaked out and hid under the couch as i slammed the back door. and like that, equilibrium was restored to the universe. what relief. goddamed cat ruined and saved my year all in one day.

btw: you get some seriously funny shit when you google 'evil cat'


3 responses to “the awesome/terrifying cat episode”

  1. Anonymous Celester the Molester 

    1. No cat will ever be as important to me as the BobbyJoe is.

    2. That picture of the evil cat is NOT my cat.

    3. Seriously...what other friend would have sacraficed their own new years eve sitting in the cold waiting for someone else's cat to come home?

    I love you.

  2. Anonymous Anonymous 

    oh, joe, taking care of a friends cat...well...cats are so crazeee and you know that.

    carter (lefty's guy) he was taking care of our friend's cats...our friend paul.

    he went over to paul's house to check on them and feed them. he heard meowing coming form the floor in the basement. so carter went to the basement and there was really, really weak meowing coming from "upstairs". he went upstairs and there was really weak coming from the vent in the floor. he had to decide if he should just go home or stay and deal with it.

    he had to go downstairs and tear the ductwork apart out of the ceiling. our friend paul had been remodeling. carter pulled one piece of the ductowrk down that was heavier than rest. when he did that, a cat ran out and it was all wet and his hands got all wet. the cat, who had been trapped in the ductwork, had been peeing out of fear. the cat was soaking wet but alive and okay.

    so don't feel too bad...cats are crazeee. they are only happy when they are messing with people.

    beat wishes... lefty & carter

  3. Anonymous Anonymous 

    i seem to have lost my blog password and that is why i am being anon.

    i sacrificed my new year's to bar back at carter's work...

    he works in a club

    www.myspace.com/texturemke

    not spamming just showing you where we spent new year's

    p.s. i am rather envious of the shoot with that model on the street on your way to work...*sigh* :)

    happy to know that you enjoyed the lurker post.

    btw, i am totally amused by your video you made before you left new york. showed it around and it has been a lot of fun. very smart, joe.

    take care, BEST WISHES! joe!

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  • 5: the man of genius


  • 4: blunders & absurdities

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