the awesome/terrifying freedom

i am walking. step step step and my god it feels so good. look, there's a guy who looks like jesus. thank you jesus i say quietly as i pass him, thank you for finally giving us a day with decent weather you long-haired hippie fuck. get a job. and i keep walking, head bent down, eyes sneered, glared forward. i have horns, i am a ram, ready to bust the whole fucking day into two pieces. and as i walk, it does. everything divides into insignificant crap to the left and insignificant crap to the right. only forward. the only goddamned thing that matters is forward.

and walking is like hypnotism. like an inverse chinese water torture with its rhythymic gentle pounding beneath me. the earth is a treadmill. i'm just keeping up. what was that? oh, a car. what was that? oh, the street. what was that? oh, the time. and i have a sick little grin. i'm a killer. i've put knives in hearts and poison in coffee. i've left someone dead behind me and none of these fucks out here knows it.

the secret makes me happy. i've taken a life. i've left a shell of a man behind me. i watched the spirit lift away from him, poor sap. that poor sap with no plan, with no initiative, with no fucking balls, who has only vague dreams and no passion. he deserved to die. that poor sap, destined for a life of mediocrity, with only fantasties and a beige keyboard in a grey cubicle. he's probably still sitting there, dead, head bent down, eyes sneered, glared forward. he wishes he was me, poor sap. but his cold dead fingers can only type it.