the awesome/terrifying freedom

i recently took the test to become a fire guard. policy requires that all public performances must be attended by a fire guard if the theatre does not have a sprinkler system - rather than pay for a guard each night, i went and took the test.

nothing infuriates me more than badly written, illogical test questions.

1) what is the duty of a fire guard?
a. to guard against tresspassers.
b. to guard against fires.
c. to guard against theft.
d. to check all of the smoke detectors.

dear god. i drove myself crazy reading and re-reading this question. what is the duty of a fire guard? well, 'b' is just way too obvious. there is no way the anwser is 'b.' and, if i say that the duty of a fire guard is to guard against fires, am i then saying that a fire guard doesn't have to check smoke detectors? but of course checking smoke detectors would be part of guarding against fires. if the question said 'what is the primary duty of a fire guard,' then it would be 'b.' but then if i put 'd' i'm saying that checking smoke detectors is not a guard against fires, which is true. and then i questioned my own over-analysis of the whole problem and looked up from my computer screen at the other applicants. most of these people didn't have high school educations and were walking out with their fire guard cards. i would be the first master's degree holder to fail the fire guard test. finally i decided i was thinking too much, that i needed to approach the test like a sanitation worker with a ged and hit 'b.' i got it right, which kind of upset me. the american public is being guarded from incineration by people who correctly deduce that the duty of a fire guard is to guard against fires?

they spelled my name wrong on the card. people always mistake the 'u' in larue for a 'v.' larve. which either rhymes with 'carve,' or 'harvey.'