the awesome/terrifying freedom

over the weekend the blog passed 25,000 hits which is pretty amazing. thanks to clay aiken, that homo.

been getting a lot of hits searching for information on that billboard in l.a. for 'the brown bunny' that features chloe sevigny blowing vincent gallo. i've written on this previously. i saw a very scary looking homeless man in the east village a few weeks ago. then i realized it was vincent gallo. poor chloe. i hope he at least took a shower first.

i've booked my ticket home for my high school reunion. i can't wait. i need these things that make me feel old, that kick my ass, that say 'what the hell have you done with your life?', that say 'what do you have to show?', that say 'what are you proud of?,' that say 'what are you going to do next?'

i find myself in love with the maroon 5 lead singer, especially in their latest video. he reminds me so much of an old boyfriend, the one who doesn't speak to me anymore, the one i turn over in my mind again and again, the one that fills me with regret and guilt and shame, the one i could not apologize enough to if i ever had the chance, the one who saw directly through me and called me out on my laundry list of character flaws, the one i google a few times a year, hoping a new link has sprouted, maybe a picture, hoping i might find a new email address, hoping i might be able to restore equilibrium to the universe.



on 'six feet under' sarah says to ruth 'i guess it's true what they say. we all pick the same person over and over again.' it's a weird comfort. i hope it's true. and i hope that i've become someone more equipped to give that guy what he needs when he shows up again.

now i'm feeling contemplative. i want to go back to the beach. my little movie will have to suffice. turn up the sound.