the awesome/terrifying freedom

not long ago i discovered my college roommate in a gay porn movie.

i can't say i was surprised. he was a big man-ho when we lived together, and shortly after he graduated, he appeared in 'freshmen' magazine in a six page, um, spread.

i didn't see him again for years. a few months after i moved to nyc i ran into him on the street. we said hi, he gave me his number, i gave him mine, i never called, he never called.

then, a couple months ago i found him on a gay porn website, using the porn name that had been created for him when he posed in 'freshmen.' what was so shocking was that this was a brand of the dirtiest, unsafest, most irresponsible porn out there.

tonight i picked up the latest issue of 'hx' and a couple pages in is a large photo of scott, with a caption that says 'i believe in protecting my partners,' and at the bottom it says 'scott - positive since 2001.'

i just kind of froze. i just got home, and i just read his story. i'm filled with sadness.