the awesome/terrifying freedom

you can't work yourself to the bone and not expect to age. it's happening, finally, i mean, really, it is. i can see it now. because my mom was still being mistaken for 18 at 40, i used to think that i'd be able to get away with the same shit. no such luck. all the little lines that have always been there are just a hair deeper, the grey in my hair more pronounced. maybe it's not enough for anyone else to really notice, (it probably is, though when you bring it up, friends are too nice to tell you you're looking ragged) but to me, who's looked at my face in mirror every day of my life, the changes are apparent. the shift is beginning, and things that once used to have no effect on me - like staying up all night, now have disastrous visible consequences. i have to like, start taking care of myself and shit. maybe i just need sleep and sun and moisturizer. and sex. and money. and stability. and sex.

if you don't believe me, i'll post some really crappy pictures of myself. there's a lot lately!