the awesome/terrifying freedom

bad news for generation y fag hags: homos are actually taking real dates to the prom these days.

i wonder what my high school existence must have been like if i was sexually comfortable enough to take a boy to the prom, and no one cared.

sadly, i don't think it would have been much different. i would have spent weeks trying to figure out just how i should ask tom metz, the head boy, to go out with me. and then i would finally work up the nerve and he'd say 'uh, sorry, joe. but i'm already going with eric.'

me: eric?

tom: yeah, eric on the tennis team.

me: oh.

tom: you know, eric with the tan almost as good as mine, and the tom cruise smile.

me: oh.

tom: and the chest that ripples while he's writing in math class.

me: uh huh.

and so i'd sulk back to my locker and i'd end up calling nicole and asking her to go with me instead.

nicole: so tom turned you down.

me: yeah. he's going with eric.

nicole: eric who just broke up with super hot jeff, the captain of the football team?

me: uh huh.

nicole: eric with the silky hair that flops over his sparkly eyes?

me: yah.

nicole: eric with the perfectly sculpted/

me: YES.

nicole: okay. so we'll go together and pretend to be a couple, but we'll both know and everyone else will know that we're just friends and i'm trying to make that bastard scott who dumped me jealous?

and so history would play out in the same way, the only difference being that i would actually get to deal with the same high school bullshit that the straight kids dealt with in high school and not have to wait until college and grad school to deal with it. wow. i'd give anything for that.

can you imagine a future in which two men being together does not dimish masculinity? a future where two straight jocks would play 'reverse fag-hag' with each other and go to the prom together because they can't get dates?

jock 1: dude, sheri like totally dumped me.

jock 2: no way, kathy totally dropped me on my ass too.

jock 1: fuck.

jock 2: yeah. fuck.

jock 1: fuck. so who're you gonna ask?

jock 2: dunno man. all the hot chicks are taken.

jock 1: i know. it so fuckin'. sucks.

jock 2: fuckin'.

(pause)

jock 1: dude, we should like, fuckin', totally go together.

jock 2: of course, that's perfect man!

jock 1: we'll like pretend to be a couple..

jock 2: right, but we'll both know and, fuckin', everyone else will know that we're just friends and we're trying to make those fuckin' bitches jealous.

jock 1: dude, we are so, like, fuckin', brilliant. dude.

jock 2: dude i so know.

jock 1: fuckin'.