the awesome/terrifying freedom

what is the deal with the ads above my blog?? it's obvious that the ads are targeted to the specific google searches that bring up the site.. so i've had ads for the advocate, various gay dating organizations, gay support groups, etc. but last night i logged in to find an ad offering 'help for homosexuality,' at regeneration books. at first i included the link, but i've taken it off because i don't want a bunch of people going to their site through mine: i don't need them thinking they're actually getting some recruits. if you want to see it, open a new window and go to www.regenbooks.org. the site contains a whole library of resources on how to turn yourself straight, how to preach the gospel to homosexuals, and how to keep your kids from turning gay.

do they really think my website is a good place to advertise these services? i wonder how much they pay for blogger's 'intuitive advertising' plan. maybe they're hoping to reel clay-aiken types into their evil clutches.

ignorance is so frustrating to me. the christian organizations that write these books live in such fear of gay people that their claims are based on the oldest of evidence, and the flimsiest of stereotypes. i would love to see a study of this type, explored in a thorough and unbiased manner - which is really impossible since each side has too much at stake to fund a study that might turn against them.

but fluidity of sexuality is actually very interesting to me - i want to know, without any religious rhetoric, where and how the lines of sexuality are drawn, erased, redrawn, and formed. i have several friends who have been genuinely confused and fluid with their sexuality throughout their lives, having had fully legitimate relationships with people of both sexes. i trust that these were real explorations, too. these forays weren't made out of denial or self hatred, but out of attraction and interest.. so i can't discount the possiblity that choice, for some people, is a viable option.

thanks to the nature/nurture debate, and the necessity for warring factions to fall on easily definable sides, the notion of choice has been off limits to gay people. one crack in the facade that we are gay at birth and remain gay forever might give the religious right just the ammo they need to pound the last nail in the coffin. when i was growing up, the biggest argument gay people had against 'choice,' was 'why would anyone choose to be villified by society? why would anyone choose to be ostracised by their families and marginalized in this way?' but now as society becomes more accepting, choice (or rather, open experimentation in the hopes of finding one's self) is becoming a viable option, which changes a lot of things: the right-winger's now have to prove not that it's a choice, but that that choice is somehow destroying society. and seeing how society (and the supreme court) is much more approving, they've got quite a fight ahead of them.

lately the right is losing the battle, and it's happening just in time.. just as we begin to figure out that sexuality may not be as rigid as we all suspected, society begins to figure out that it really doesn't matter for shit. the issue is gradually becoming about personal freedom over science, genetics, and the 'nurture vs. nature' debate. because ultimately, all of the scientific arguments come down to the provability of love. there's no way, fundamentally, to know if someone is truly gay or straight. we can only take their word for it and make judgements based on behavior (and judging by mrs. aiken's behaviour, we've got a full nelly on our hands). we've learned that people will screw just about anything. how do you separate action from intent? really, you can't (which is the basis of controversy regarding hate-crime legislation).

the ex-gay movement is creepy because it creates perfect heterosexual christian men: good boys who aren't tormented by the relentless pursuit of pussy. who will only fuck to breed. and when they do it, hey sure as hell won't enjoy it. a lot of devout xtian men must be envious.

one of the books at regeneration books is called 'a parent's guide to preventing homosexuality.' the blurb says '- a boy wanting to be a girl or a girl who rejects her femininity and wants to be a boy; studies show that such children have a very high chance of growing up homosexual, bisexual or transsexual.' this is so interesting.. the christian book acknowledges that gay traits exhibit at an early age, but then in the same breath expect us to believe that these childhood proclivities have no biological basis? the book shows 'how boys grow into masculinity.' there is even a chapter called 'from tomboys to lesbians.' so basically it's about forcing programmed gender behaviors on children - the idea being that behavior is the end-all indicator of sexuality. well i think it's a great way to raise gay kids. they'll all grow up to be gay games athletes, falcon porn stars and lipstick lesbians. i love it!