the awesome/terrifying freedom

out here, somewhere, figuring it all out.

for john:

still gay.
bite me.

also from john:

you are not EVEN partially devoted to how super
gay clay aiken is. you don't even mention him.

not that i'm asking for another fucking haiku.

from john:

your poetry
annoys the fuck
out of me.

in a uhaul
i came to the city
three years ago today

store named "decorasian."
which i guess is better than

from plane,
new year is limitless.
not from cubicle.

denver gay bar.
different city.
same guys.

money vs. creativity:
must i be maslow's bitch
or miller's protege?

xmas at aunt rena's double wide
rescheduled due to
stomach stapling complication

i'm introduced
as being
"from new york"

the 'freedom tower' proves
we will not shirk at destroying
the skyline twice

mary indiana wrote a lovely haiku asking if i would be taking submissions. i can't use it because she used my full name. i'm trying to avoid having this blog come up when people type my full name into google. makes my situation at work at little sticky. but , yes, i'll be taking submissions. but no promises about posting...

when dad called
to say he loved the movie
i was watching porn

oh, and i'll also be writing my usual posts.

i have no sleep discipline. none. none at all. if i go to bed early one night, you can bet that i'll be up until 3am the next. i'm a colossal idiot.

a few years ago, my friend laura and i embarked on a 'haiku project,' in which we each wrote one haiku each day for a year and emailed them to each other. it was pretty amazing at the end of the year to have a book full of little poems, each describing a day. so anyway, i haven't had a huge amount of time to devote to my blogging lately, so i'm re-instating the haiku project beginning today, december 18. mind you, i am not adhering to the 5-7-5 syllable rule. i'm using the 'western haiku' format, which calls for minimalism, but without syllabic restrictions.

walking down the grocery aisles
i think:
someday this will all be poop


when i was in elementary school my dad read the entire 'lord of the rings' out loud to me before bedtime. i think it took over a year. i only remembered and understood the parts with the hobbits and gollum - all the battles and families got too confusing for me, but even then i knew.. even then i knew that aragorn was one hot mofo. and i went to see the awful cartoon of the first half of the story and i remember aragorn being sexy in that, too (looking back at the pictures, no, he was not sexy, but voiced by john hurt, so maybe that was it). right up there with indiana jones.

i've been thinking a lot lately about the size of hobbits. and just how big that would make viggo. poor frodo would get torn in half.

cryptic messages are the best.

if you're reading this and don't know if you're supposed to be reading this: i know you're reading this. technology is a wonderful thing. muhahah.

last night i subjected myself to the horror that is 'two weeks notice.' it was a thrill ride of human pain and suffering, more brutal than 'sophie's choice,' 'dancer in the dark,' or 'bio-dome.' movies on demand can be so evil when desperate to watch anything.

i've watched some other horrors: 'femme fatale,' 'the tuxedo,' 'rollerball,' 'exs vs. sever'... why do i love bad movies? why do i perpetuate their creation by watching them? i guess i just love having my own private mystery science theatre 3000 in my living room.

i've quit aol, so sending to the old email link address will no longer work. please send all mail to my main address! the link to the right has been updated.

i'm also in the table of contents.

markus schenkenberg is on the cover of the new 'out' magazine.

and i'm on page 48!

in other news, i received a thick envelope marked 'return to sender.' i tried to think of when i might possibly have sent out this obviously weather-beaten envelope. no clue. i tore it open and lo an behold:


with everything in it. also, it had a lot of gravel in it, so i guess it was on the floor of the cab getting kicked around for a long time before anyone found it. so i have all my forms of identity back, all my insurance cards, my old college id, my dollar bill signed by the cast of mystery science theatre 3000 that i'd had in my wallet for 13 years.

angels in america.

well, i have a pretty intimate relationship with this material. i've played prior twice - heheh, go here to see tiny, fuzzy pictures of me the first time i did it.

salon says you need to see it twice. once to reconcile with the play version, and once to appreciate it for the film that it is. i think they're right. upon first viewing i felt like i was watching 'evita' with madonna: 'i love this material.. why is it so plodding?' i think mike nichols could have made some bolder, more dynamic choices, opting for intensity rather than curiosity. i'm thankful he stayed true to the essence of the play, the text, which is undeniably powerful, so at least we have that. still, i need to see it again with my preconceived notions out of my head.


new trading spaces designer is hot hot hot. hotter than ty. zero charisma, but hot hot hot. innit?

i didn't check my aol email for a long time, and was happy to find this great letter from eddie walker. wow, two kids! it's very inspiring and hopeful, thanks so much for sharing, ed.

I know what you mean about aging and gradual change. I was always perplexed as to why time seems to pass more quickly as one gets older, but my theory goes like this: each measured span of time (a day, month, year) becomes a smaller and smaller percentage of one's time on earth as one ages. So the perceived eternity of one year to a twelve year old equates to one-twelfth of his life; one year to a 40 year old is one-fortieth of his life. As they relate to our lives, these spans of time naturally feel shorter and seem to pass more quickly because they indeed are . And so it goes.

And on children. My parents were 15 and 17 when I was conceived (I brought this sophomore and senior together, shall we say). I remember vividly the day when Mom was taking me to get a passport and I was studying my birth certificate on the way in the car. I did the math and realized that I was conceived prior to their wedding. Mom was, of course, quite chagrined at having to witness the inevitable realization.

Like you, I've always been aware of how old my children would be if I were my parents. As a 40 year old today, I would have two children 23 and 17 -- Yikes. And I think about how my parents dealt with some aspects of parenting me and my brother when they were still really children, too. They married in November of my Dad's senior year, (Mom finished her sophomore year at home), and I was born the following summer right before they left their small hometown to go to college with a two month old in tow. They (we) were pretty poor. They never really got to grow up or sow oats or be free-thinking college students, though some might argue they were indeed sowing a little during high school.

I don't think you're far off the mark to not want kids until 35, though I wouldn't advocate waiting much longer -- it all depends on how old one wants to be attending high school graduations. For us, that high mark was 60. Tim and I have two boys, 2 and 2 1/2, so we'll be 56 and 58 when they graduate. Adopting was the best thing we've ever done, but we were ready for it -- emotionally, financially, etc. Children are the great leveler in terms of assimilating and changing mainstream opinions, at least here in Oklahoma. And what a joy!

Happy Thanksgiving, Joe!

go to google. type, in quotes, "miserable failure" and then hit "i'm feeling lucky."

this is what you get: miserable failure.

click on the above link to help the page stay at the top of google's list!

in a moment of pathos i watched 'big in '03' on vh1 last night, during which they honored frenchie davis with the 'true american idol' award. amen. girl needs a new song, but amen.

john dolan refuses to support jason bateman. he doesn't feel it's worth failing law school for. now john, when you say that i'm "effete" are you saying i'm washed up, artistically spent, effeminate, or all of the above? you've never met me so you don't know how effeminate i might or might not be, so i can only assume you mean 'washed up,' to which i say: it hurts, john, it really hurts.

wow, how nelly was that? i am a flamer. kick ass on your finals john. don't all you la kids with your 75 degree weather have tivo?

maryindiana has her priorities in order:

Mister Going Around Accusing Everyone Without The Slightest Regard For The Facts,

I adore "Arrested Development" and have been telling everyone to watch it. Ron Howard is a genius. To prove that I love and watch it I will now share some of my thoughts. Ahem.

I was just a little startled to be potentially responsible for this show and it's success. David Cross crying in the shower after getting dinged at the audition. Brilliant.

Jason Bateman---who ever thought he'd make a comeback (A) and (B) that I would actually find him attractive?

I didn't care for Portia DiRossi (a/k/a Mandy Rogers) in Ally McBeal,but as the selfish materialistic sister? Stellar!! Isn't A drunken Liza Minelli talking rather pathetically about "Grand Romantic Gestures"....too true life to be funny? Yet,I did.

OH the joyful shame of it. Buster,Gob,George Michael and Mabe...all great characters. Love the faux Miss America pagent moment when the Mom is picked to head up the company..

I hope that this is evidence enough of my devotion to the show. If you harbor any doubts,please feel free to administer a pop quiz. I can not promise that I can find a proctor to stand watch and assure you that I didn't cheat,but I WILL try if you want it as a condition.



this is a great nytimes article about how friendster collapses our traditional structure of networking. quite eenteresting.

this is about how 'studies' on ecstasy were sloppy, and politically driven to make the drug look as bad as possible. sheesh, can the fda for once admit, that it may be possible for something to make you feel good without killing you? i may have to grab myself a tab just for defiance.

okay, i read an article in entertainment weekly about how 'arrested development' is not doing well in the ratings. trust me people, it's a really good show, maybe, like, the best half hour comedy on network television. if it gets cancelled i will personally hold you responsible. yes, you john dolan and mary indiana and walt also from indiana and those people in canada (you get fox in canada right) and judith from malaysia and topher from burkina faso.

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  • 5: the man of genius

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