the awesome/terrifying freedom

i didn't check my aol email for a long time, and was happy to find this great letter from eddie walker. wow, two kids! it's very inspiring and hopeful, thanks so much for sharing, ed.

I know what you mean about aging and gradual change. I was always perplexed as to why time seems to pass more quickly as one gets older, but my theory goes like this: each measured span of time (a day, month, year) becomes a smaller and smaller percentage of one's time on earth as one ages. So the perceived eternity of one year to a twelve year old equates to one-twelfth of his life; one year to a 40 year old is one-fortieth of his life. As they relate to our lives, these spans of time naturally feel shorter and seem to pass more quickly because they indeed are . And so it goes.

And on children. My parents were 15 and 17 when I was conceived (I brought this sophomore and senior together, shall we say). I remember vividly the day when Mom was taking me to get a passport and I was studying my birth certificate on the way in the car. I did the math and realized that I was conceived prior to their wedding. Mom was, of course, quite chagrined at having to witness the inevitable realization.

Like you, I've always been aware of how old my children would be if I were my parents. As a 40 year old today, I would have two children 23 and 17 -- Yikes. And I think about how my parents dealt with some aspects of parenting me and my brother when they were still really children, too. They married in November of my Dad's senior year, (Mom finished her sophomore year at home), and I was born the following summer right before they left their small hometown to go to college with a two month old in tow. They (we) were pretty poor. They never really got to grow up or sow oats or be free-thinking college students, though some might argue they were indeed sowing a little during high school.

I don't think you're far off the mark to not want kids until 35, though I wouldn't advocate waiting much longer -- it all depends on how old one wants to be attending high school graduations. For us, that high mark was 60. Tim and I have two boys, 2 and 2 1/2, so we'll be 56 and 58 when they graduate. Adopting was the best thing we've ever done, but we were ready for it -- emotionally, financially, etc. Children are the great leveler in terms of assimilating and changing mainstream opinions, at least here in Oklahoma. And what a joy!

Happy Thanksgiving, Joe!