the awesome/terrifying freedom

i want to talk about a terrible relationship i've been having lately. i know that when i give him the time he needs i feel so much better, and so i'll do it oh, maybe once a week. but then once i've given just enough to feel better, i totally neglect him for the rest of the week. and i'm cranky and edgy and totally knowing that it's all my fault, and even though all the opportunites are there to give him more time, i don't do it. maybe it's this job - it's just not suited to the type of relationship i want to have with him. maybe it's all a sign that i need to change my life even further. of course, when i do have ample time to devote to him, i abuse it completely - i get so much of him that it makes me lazy and sick. but whether its the job or not, i've always had an unhealthy, tumultous relationship with sleep.