the awesome/terrifying freedom

i only saw the final minutes of american idol last night, when leah labelle was rightfully eliminated. should jennifer hudson been kicked off, i would have had to boycott the show. well maybe not boycott, but i would have had to watch the show with even more intense hatred for middle america and the idiotic teenage girl voters who seem to inexplicably love john stevens.

dolan says john peter lewis is adorable and tells me to shut up. yeah, he's cute, and funny, and a shitty singer, which is too bad. i actually think he could have a career as an actor. he's sort of a sam rockwell type. but american idol? no.

it's funny, a year later, and clay aiken appears on american idol again, and my website hits skyrocket with 'clay aiken gay' searches again.

watched survivor for the first time since the season premiere - man, that jerri manthey bugs the tar outta me. she says she wants to go on the show to right the wrongs that were done her via editing and backstabbing the first time around, and yet here she comes off just as hateful and lazy as the first time, coupled with an oh so charming vindictiveness.

which got me thinking about assholes and bitches on reality tv - say you're a genuine asshole or bitch. and you go on a reality show. and that show exploits your assholishness or bitchiness and broadcasts it to the world, and the world says 'wow, you're an asshole/bitch!" it seems that it is then the asshole/bitch's duty to go on every talk show, playboy interview, etc.. and blame the producers or the editors, or the contestants - because a true asshole/bitch is never guilty of anything. my question is - does the asshole/bitch know that they are truly, deep down an asshole/bitch? and if so, do they also secretly enjoy the world's hatred while pretending not to be asshole/bitches? or.. are they so mired in their own experience that they cannot fathom how their actions could ever be construed as asshole/bitchiness - that they truly acted in the best possible way while on the show, and then blame the editors, producers, co-stars because hey, who else could it be? do they watch themselves six months later in amazement at how their actions which at the time were so right, are now played out so clearly in the wrong. are they so mired in their own existence that they can't see outside it and judge themselves with an outside eye?