the awesome/terrifying freedom

out here, somewhere, figuring it all out.

the last day

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i started this blog five years ago under the name 'trials of a bored office temp.' i worked in the dean's office at the rockefeller university and every day, i wrote entries about that office's staff. they would come up to me and spill their guts about themselves, each other, and i sat there, smiling, typing their every word.

the blog quickly became a hit, though by today's standards, 300 hits a day only equals moderate interest - but i was interviewed by the new york post, and i was working on adapting the material of that blog into a play.

'trials of a bored office temp' ended when i left the city to be in a production of m. butterfly at syracuse stage. it was my first equity gig, which got me my card, i was starring in the show, and i thought it was going to open the door to my true life, the life of a working actor. the show was a huge hit, and i got interviews with several top agents in the city. unfortunately, none bit.

at the same time, i'd gone back to temping, something i thought i would never do again, especially after having railed so fiercely against office life in my blog. i was back at the rockefeller university, this time in the development office. outside of the office, my creative energy was displaced from pursuing acting work to running my theatre company. i was able to write, produce and direct several plays with some of my best friends. every day i would return to the office, usually in a zombie-like haze, file countless papers, and then head home so that i could work on a website or poster design until 2am.

just before leaving for syracuse, my dean's office blog was discovered by someone in the university, was passed around and became kind of an urban legend. i enjoyed the noteriety, but i didn't want to use my blog to write anything secret anymore, so i switched the focus to showcasing my photography, writing about current events, thoughts: the basic blather that makes up most of the blogosphere. after a couple more years of temping, i went part-time permanent at rockefeller, which is when the title changed to 'the semi-permanent insanities.'

after going permanent, things began to change, as i was warned, as i feared, and which i tried desperately to resist. but gradually the dreariness of office life took over. it paid enough. not great, but enough. i started to lose my drive to pursue creative things, save for my cartoons. my life became about going to work, coming home, going to work. it had to change.

a year ago, the process of preparing for this day began. i'm ready, so ready for whatever's out there. i'm even ready to not be ready, anticipating the fear and terror and the not knowing what to do and the freaking out because i need to change and the knowing that none of it comes without pain.

no longer 'trials of a bored office temp.' no longer 'the semi-permanent insanities.' it's the awesome/terrifying freedom.

today is my last day of working in an office in new york city. at 3:00, i'm free. and on tuesday, when i get in my car, i will be freer than i've ever been in my entire life.

4 responses to “the last day”

  1. Blogger yeah right 

    I used to read your blog back in the beginning when Gayken was winning American Idol ... I was a temp too in NYC (and a former Floridian) in the registrar's office of a law school with nothing to do except listen to my coworkers ramble on endlessly about what they had for dinner the night before and what they were going to have for lunch ... Anyway I used to email your posts to my friends all the time at their boring jobs ... so I was just trolling through my favorites, saw your website and clicked -- pretty good timing! Good luck with everything and I think you are definitely making the right decision! Never stop creating and you'll have it ALL!! And if you happen to know how to add sound or music to blogspot blogs could you let me know or mention it on your blog.

  2. Anonymous Anonymous 


    I think your decision will prove to have huge benefits for you. I love your blog, have been a huge fan for a very long time - your creativity has inspired me in ways I can't even say.

    I look forward to hearing all about your adventures in LA. good luck

  3. Blogger j 

    thanks for the support! i can't wait to start this new leg of my life.. and stay tuned to see what the hell happens to me..

    hmm, i don't know of a way to post audio to a blog.. you can upload an mp3 clip and then link to it, but it won't play automatically (which i find really annoying anyway.. all those myspace profiles that burst into song.. bleh)

  4. Blogger Jackie 

    i am so beyond excited for you! i think this is the best decision you've made for yourself! the one thing rockefeller CAN do for you is to get you to finally get down to the nitty gritty of what you really want for yourself in life. :)

    can't wait to read and laugh and smile!!!!


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