the awesome/terrifying freedom

i started this blog five years ago under the name 'trials of a bored office temp.' i worked in the dean's office at the rockefeller university and every day, i wrote entries about that office's staff. they would come up to me and spill their guts about themselves, each other, and i sat there, smiling, typing their every word.

the blog quickly became a hit, though by today's standards, 300 hits a day only equals moderate interest - but i was interviewed by the new york post, and i was working on adapting the material of that blog into a play.

'trials of a bored office temp' ended when i left the city to be in a production of m. butterfly at syracuse stage. it was my first equity gig, which got me my card, i was starring in the show, and i thought it was going to open the door to my true life, the life of a working actor. the show was a huge hit, and i got interviews with several top agents in the city. unfortunately, none bit.

at the same time, i'd gone back to temping, something i thought i would never do again, especially after having railed so fiercely against office life in my blog. i was back at the rockefeller university, this time in the development office. outside of the office, my creative energy was displaced from pursuing acting work to running my theatre company. i was able to write, produce and direct several plays with some of my best friends. every day i would return to the office, usually in a zombie-like haze, file countless papers, and then head home so that i could work on a website or poster design until 2am.

just before leaving for syracuse, my dean's office blog was discovered by someone in the university, was passed around and became kind of an urban legend. i enjoyed the noteriety, but i didn't want to use my blog to write anything secret anymore, so i switched the focus to showcasing my photography, writing about current events, thoughts: the basic blather that makes up most of the blogosphere. after a couple more years of temping, i went part-time permanent at rockefeller, which is when the title changed to 'the semi-permanent insanities.'

after going permanent, things began to change, as i was warned, as i feared, and which i tried desperately to resist. but gradually the dreariness of office life took over. it paid enough. not great, but enough. i started to lose my drive to pursue creative things, save for my cartoons. my life became about going to work, coming home, going to work. it had to change.



a year ago, the process of preparing for this day began. i'm ready, so ready for whatever's out there. i'm even ready to not be ready, anticipating the fear and terror and the not knowing what to do and the freaking out because i need to change and the knowing that none of it comes without pain.

no longer 'trials of a bored office temp.' no longer 'the semi-permanent insanities.' it's the awesome/terrifying freedom.

today is my last day of working in an office in new york city. at 3:00, i'm free. and on tuesday, when i get in my car, i will be freer than i've ever been in my entire life.