the awesome/terrifying freedom

curse you god. i renounce you. although i never really believed in you from the beginning, i now believe. you are one viscious bastard. i can't remember a time in my life where weather has conspired so perfectly to destroy the sprits of so many people for so long a period of time. sure, we've all had the rainy weekend before, but all of this just screams evil henchman with a twisted sense of humor and a weather controlling machine at his fingertips. 'hahaha, oh it's saturday? press the 'rain' button igor. on monday, give them the most beautiful day they've ever seen! we will drive them all to suicide!'

okay so maybe i don't believe in a vengeful god. i've only found faith in twisted-humor-sensed evil henchmen with globular-power technology. does globular-power mean what i mean it to mean? does it mean power over the globe or power over the globs? is there a difference?

an open letter to jewel:
honey, quit trying to call it irony and just admit that you've sold out. you've traded simplistic folk poetry for simplistic pop gloss and frankly, the former is more honest - if you'll just be honest about it. 'only kindness matters?' no, what matters is milking those boobs and bee-stung lips for every last cent you can. and there's a conundrum in your latest video - one that doesn't warrant nearly as much thought as i've given to it. in your video 'intuition,' you show what is apparently two sides of yourself - the 'normal looking jewel' which walks down the street in jeans past homeless people - and then during the choruses the video abruptly switches to glamour mode and the homeless people jump up and beome super hot gyrating models. also throughout the video are freeze frames that mock various ad campaigns. you seem to be making a statement about product placement - but then, i see that your song is used in the 'intuition leg shaving razor' commercials! what? so what is your video saying? is it saying that product placement is stupid - and so am i? or is it saying is that for career longevity, product placement is inevitable? in the video for 'hands' you walked like she-jesus through disaster areas and the healing power of your touch enlightened the poor, suffering non-telegenic wretches of the earth. in your new video the lyrics say over and over again 'follow your heart... something something intuition.' is this where your once oh-so-saintly heart has guided your 'intuition?' to peddling pink plastic razors?

u2 went through a similar phase during their 'pop-mart' tour, but they didn't try to be ironic about it. they said 'we are in our money hoarding phase. we love it. oh yeah, and we're also pretty much going to be artistically dead until we come to our senses again in a few years. thanks.'

so grab the cash girl. and don't pretend like you're not grabbing the cash with the same 'tiny hands' you used to rescue that poor ugly burned teenage girl who looked at you with such well directed admiration before wiping off her makeup and running over to her stage mother who will beat her later for not looking heart-wrenchingly burned enough. 'tiffany, do you not remember the heart-wrenching face we practiced yesterday??'

whew. didn't know i had so much to say about jewel. i'm almost ashamed. but am i the only one who looks at her and sees a phony pretending not to be a phony by pretending that she's pretending to be a phony? read that over a few times.. it took me a while to figure it out, but i think it's right.. very victor-victoria, or rather, real-or-fakeola.