the awesome/terrifying freedom

this weekend i watched the final episode of 'oz,' which was kind of traumatic, and left me with a deep sense of loss, even more than losing 'sex and the city.' for four months i've been watching every episode, amazed that i completely missed this exquisite series while it was actually on the air.. and now it's 'over.' i should have stretched it out a little more..

which is why i've never seen 'strangers on a train.' i watched every hitchcock movie with my dad when i was growing up - and once we'd seen all of his 'golden era' classics, i mourned that there would be no more. so i'm saving 'strangers on a train' for.. well, for my deathbed maybe?

what i loved about 'oz' was its very real depiction of male love - how it differs from 'gay' love, and how the lines between affection, desperation and attraction can be blurred in the closed environment of prison.

plus it's also really hot. especially with that chris meloni. and all those penises. and all that raw violence. it really got to the essence of the primal drives of the human male as animal. brilliant.

i was a little disinterested by last week's 'deadwood,' but found my interest peaked this week with the reintroduction of on-screen penises to the hbo sunday evening.

oh, speaking of male love, i watched the horrendous 'playing it straight' on friday, where as a teaser, the broken arm moment was played yet again. it makes me sick. watching this guy get carted off to the hospital is now a 'selling point' and a 'coming attraction' for the show. and even worse i find myself tuning in hoping that 'this will be the one with the broken arm!!'

the show forces the gay men back into the closet, and gives them the job of deceiving a girl. it's wrong on so many levels. at least 'boy meets boy' forced straight men into a discomfort zone that was a reversal of social mores, teaching us all 'valuable' lessons and allowing us to go aww at the end of each day as a striaght guy came away with a small idea of what it means to be in the closet. but this show only perpetuates already dangerous attitudes - that the very definition of 'playing it straight' means 'playing at homophobia.'

i know i know, the intended lesson of the show is that as each nelly straight guy and each strapping homo are kicked off, we are 'forced' to reevaluate our perceptions of people based on behavior, but the lesson is too little too late, and the 'oppressors' - the straight men leave each episode only having learned that they'd better stop using a blow dryer or they'll never date a woman again, and the gay men leave the show only having learned what they knew all along - that lying about who you are, and allowing someone to develop feelings for you based on a lie, feels really shitty at the end of the day, and if it wasn't worth lying about to avoid being disowned by your parents, it's probably not worth lying about to win a million dollars.