the awesome/terrifying freedom

beware of the exploding black woman, xbw.

my friend dana was waiting in the dressing room line at macys.

dana: excuse me, are you in line?

xbw: fuckin white bitch! i'll stand wherever i want! fuckin white bitch ain't gonna tell me where to stand! hell yes i'm in this line and ain't nothin you gonna do about it! fuckin' white bitch! i will fuckin' smack you!

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i was on the escalator yesterday. common courtesy is to stand to the right, walk to the left.

man in front of me: excuse me miss, can i get by?

xbw: why in the hell you on an escalator if you gonna walk, muthafucka?!

man behind me: it says stand to the right.

xbw: i! stand! where! ever! the fuck i want! don't you fuckin' tell me where to stand. i'm here to ride, fucka! i'm gonna ride! how you gonna get off tellin' me what to do, fucka!?

it's unfair to single out only the exploding black women. in new york city there are exploding everythings.

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xbm (exploding blind man): get the fuck out of my way! what the fuck is wrong with you, you fuckin' blind!?

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xjm (exploding jewish mother): excuse me! exCUSE ME! where's the goddamed bathroom!? you walk into a place you expect there to be a GODDAMNED BATHROOM!

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starbucks employee: sir, you can't take the entire jar of sugar.

xhm: (exploding homeless man): GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!