the awesome/terrifying freedom

what a difference no traffic makes. with no major cities to navigate, i arrived at my friend chris' place in the exact projected google maps time. (getting in and out of chicago and st. louis added 2 hours). will hang out here for a day or so and will likely hit the road again early sunday morning, so that i arrive back home in boulder sunday night.

now my camera battery charger is fucked up. it says it's charged, but i put the battery in and it gives me 'battery exhausted.' rrrghghgh. fortunately, chris is right next to a giant flatirons crossing sized behemoth shopping mall, and i can pick up a new battery. i have a feeling they are just old and finally gave out.

on the way to kansas city, there were billboards for what promised to be a wondrous place: ozarkland.

visions of 'south of the border' danced in my head. -this- is where i would find the next entry in my contest with emily to find The Tackiest Gift In The World. here are some previous submissions from emily:

the horny hillbilly
commando in action paris for men

for my going away party she gave me a wind up toy of a dog humping a very happy woman. dammit, she is always topping me!

ozarkland. what to say? take a look:



i think this is where they take new yorkers, along with those people dragged away from around the campfire after it's discovered that they eat salsa made in new york city.

the place was filled with horror after horror.







but none of it was quite awful enough to warrant contest entry. then i saw this:



but still - there are already two contest entries having to do with hillbillies. i really need to bring something new to the table. then i saw it. absolute evidence of pure evil on earth, dear god why have you forsaken us, are wars, famine, and flood not enough?



day four: