why aren't there more of life's lessons geared toward preparing us to make choices? where is the fairy tale where cinderella has to choose between two princes, she can't decide and a magic mirror shows her life with each of them, and then shows her life when she made no decision at all and she's become the cat lady from down the street?
i made my choice, and god was it difficult - there have been a lot of hard choices on this journey, and none any easier than the one i just had to make.
i just officially turned down the job. and the best part of it is that she totally understood my reasons, and liked me so much that she offered to forward my resume to a producer she knows. amazing. i'm floored. who knows what might come of it, but there's a lesson right there. she said 'the fact that you made this decision confirms everything i thought about you when you came in. you know what you want to do, you're capable, and you 'get it.' you were my first choice, and you could easily have taken this job, toiled away at it for awhile and then left.'
everyone i talk to out here (and in new york when i first got there) places a lot of weight on 'luck' as a factor in becoming a success. but luck is really truly only one of 4 factors: talent, team, drive, and luck..
(stolen from the book 'shine
' by larry thompson, NOT by star jones. - he uses the word 'rage' in place of 'drive,' but i don't think it quite describes what he means)
it was lucky that i received the email telling me about this job. beyond that, putting together my resume, having the best interview i could, and having the drive to know what i truly want were all in my control - and as a result, i have someone new on my team, who wants to help me. luck is truly mysterious but you have to be ready for it when it comes, and the ways that it might come are so roundabout that you can never count on it. you can only count on what's in your control.
it may not get any easier, ever. but at least i know that i can do it.