the awesome/terrifying freedom

salon.com is predicting that clay aiken will win american idol because he's the whitest contestant on the stage. what salon is forgetting is his whole ambiguously gay showtune singing factor and how that alone could cement the top prize for ruben. being a 'mo can be just as big a handicap as being a bro'. i hope they're right. i want to see all the kids who burned their dixie chicks cds drop to the ground screaming in agony when clay finally has his post-show coming out interview.

what is most troublesome is the gag order the producers could enforce on clay. here is an excerpt from the contract all contestants on the show must sign:

"... I hereby grant to Producer the unconditional right throughout the universe in perpetuity to use, simulate or portray (and to authorize others to do so) or to refrain from using, simulating or portraying, my name, likeness (whether photographic or otherwise), voice, singing voice, personality, personal identification or personal experiences, my life story, biographical data, incidents, situations and events which heretofore occurred or hereafter occur, including without limitation the right to use, or to authorize others to use any of the foregoing in or in connection with the Series ...

"... I understand that, in and in connection with the Series, I may reveal and/or relate, and other parties ... may reveal and/or relate information about me of a personal, private, intimate, surprising, defamatory, disparaging, embarrassing or unfavorable nature, that may be factual and/or fictional."

'factual and/or fictional.' so basically, simon fuller has the right to make up and say anything about you he wants and you have no legal recourse. your persona is a product, manufactured and distributed by 19, fuller's company. and if simon fuller decides that you are going to be ambigiously sexual and not a ryan seacrest chasing nelly, then that group of hot guys, the ones in the front row, the ones you picked up at the bar last night - well, you're going to have to call them your 'high school friends.'

also in the contract is a clause stating that if you make any statement deemed to be damaging to 'american idol,' you can be sued for up to 5 million dollars. 'i'm gay' could easily be construed as such a statement - so we may never know for sure which team clay bats for until the george michael police hit on him in a public bathroom.

there's another clause stating that if you win, you must appear on 'world idol,' for the whopping sum of, get this, $1400. i'm sure kelly clarkson's real happy about that one.

as for last night's show... eh. kimberley, you failed to bring it 2 out of 3 times. clay had the same batting average. and ruben, who's starting to sound a little hoarse, yelled his way through that song 'if ever you're in my arms again,' which i know runs over the credits of some cheezy 80's film but i can't think of what it is.. it's something like 'chances are' except 'chances are' had it's own cheezy song. what movie is that song from?? it's driving me crazy. anyway, ruben is immune to critisicm. at this point he could stand there and do nothing as 'ice ice baby' plays behind him and all three judges would praise him for taking such a risk.